A Glimpse At The Good Life

Sugar Rush Episode 1x09 - "Coming Of Age, Part I"

Episode Grade: A+


Previously: Nathan choked Stella with pudding and broke her rib, and Tom is reportedly still stalking Kim. No mention of the fact that she slept with him, though, oddly. You'd think that would count as a reasonably significant event.

KimVo's starting off in a good mood, which is usually a sure sign that things are going to turn to shit later. She's happy because she's apparently got Sugar out of her life, and she's "a 15 year old with no spots and a passable pair of tits." Kim dances in front of a mirror with no shirt on to demonstrate this last point. I kind of love this show, you know. From outside, we can hear Stella whinily yelling "Nathan! Nathan!". Kim exasperatedly shouts at her to shut up, to no avail.

In her room, Stella's lying in bed with a pained look, attempting to reach a glass of wine on the bedside table just out of her reach. How exactly did it get there? It certainly looks like Nathan deliberately set it up that way to torture her, but he comes running at her call and gives her the glass, though he's worried it's a bad idea for her to drink while she's on medication. Stella tells him she needs something to numb the pain, and, when he suggests calling the doctor, clarifies that she means "allegorical" pain from "being married to Cathy Bates". I'm fairly sure that would actually make it metaphorical pain, but whatever. Nathan stares, unbridled rage building in his eyes, as she continues to insult him, and after a while, he reaches boiling point and storms out, throwing his apron to the ground. Well, not to worry. Nathan's version of going Incredible Hulk will at the most result in some flies with a few minor injuries.

Kim's still dancing around shirtlessly when Nathan barges into her room. She quickly grabs a sweater to cover herself, and yells at him. Nathan apologises and tells her he needs her to look after Matt. Kim asks why Stella can't, and says she's going out. Nathan replies "Yeah, well, so am I." So, why can't Stella do it? Well, obviously, I know it's because she's a useless sack of shit. My point is, you didn't actually answer the question, Nathan. Anyway, something in the tone of his voice worries Kim, and she gives a slightly cracked-voiced "Dad?". Nathan tells her he can't go on, and apologises a few more times. I think apologies might be beating "spend time together as a family" in the "For Fuck's Sake Find Something Else To Say, Nathan" contest, but I haven't been keeping score. Nathan hugs Kim, says he'll see her soon and leaves her with the kicked puppy look that she does so well.

There's a few rather excellent shots of the beach from afar, with a tiny silhouette Kim (Well, I assume it's her. She's tiny, and silhouetted, so it's not exactly easy to tell.) She's sitting, facing away from solid ground, completely dwarfed by huge structures in the sea. And then we go to non-tiny, non-silhouetted Kim, crying alone in a seaside café. I think this is the same place Matt and Nathan were at in the second episode. Kim continues to cry, and it's heartbreaking, but then the camera pans over to show Hot Scot sitting at a near by table, so things are starting to look up (and not just because she's really hot.) She comes over to Kim, of course, and asks if she's alright. In spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Kim claims to be fine. Hot Scot remembers Kim's name, introduces herself as Beth, and reminds Kim that they met last week at the GiD meeting. I really doubt that Kim needs prompting to remember that, Beth. I mean, seriously, look at yourself. She tells Kim she saw her come in looking upset. Kim again claims to be fine, even though she still hasn't actually stopped crying. Beth, who's been surreptitiously dragging out the chair opposite Kim throughout this conversation, now asks if she can sit down. Kim gives an affirmative and says "I'm really sorry". Beth's like, "You were crying when I came over here, obviously I don't have a problem with it." But, you know, in a much warmer, friendlier way. Slowly, Kim starts explaining her whole wretched family story (though we get a heavily edited version by use of quick flashbacks and such, so we don't have to hear her explain things we already know.) Kim concludes with "I'm a homophobic gay virgin desperate to fuck a girl who'll never fancy me." What with the no mention of it in the previouslies and now this, it seems Kim is pretending the Tom sex didn't actually happen, but also I think she probably says "gay virgin" as kind of a reflex by now. Or maybe she's just saying she's a gay virgin, not a gay virgin, if you follow. Beth asks what this girl's name is. Kim tells her, both "Sugar" and "Maria Sweet", which I had indeed forgotten was her real name, as I said I would, and adds "She's a total goddess. And a total bitch." Beth gives a "know the type" smile and nod. Kim gets a slight nerve attack and says "I can't believe I'm telling you all this." In response, Beth offers a cigarette. Kim jokes that she didn't think Christians did things like smoking, Beth replies "They're menthol", but holds off on the actual reason, because Kim's not quite primed for that yet. She's totally itching to say it though. Kim asks if she's ever "spent intimate time" with someone who didn't really know her, so it appears that perhaps she's not so in denial about the Tom thing now. "Torture," Beth replies. And Kim's back to divulging details of her sordid story, saying she tried everything; honesty, date rape ("But it's OK, I failed." Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?), shagging a bloke, "but my mum beat me to it." Well, first attempt, yes. She doesn't mention the other two. How strange. And, finally, the GiD meeting in attempt to cure herself, which obviously Beth knew about already. And Beth decides that now is the time to strike with the actual reason I mentioned earlier: She's not really religious, "unless you count getting off with my R.E. teacher, Sister Angela. I guess I just went along to the group to see who I could pull." Wham. Kim's eyes light up rather, and there's an awesome church choir "Hallelujah!" Hee! Beth asks if Kim wants coffee. She does, but for some reason the waitress totally ignores Beth, so Kim suggests going somewhere where waitresses actually do their job.

KimVo, who's been a lot quieter than usual so far, due to Kim actually talking to someone other than herself today, finds an opportunity to get a word in edgeways, informing us that since she met Beth in church, she'd assumed she must be uptight and religious. Kim and Beth are walking along the beach, all smiles, when there's a shouted "Kim!" from behind, and Tom comes running. Kim exasperatedly tells Beth to wait up while she deals with him, and apparently the "Thank you" and other clear suggestions that he totally knew it was a one time thing have been forgotten. It annoyed me at first that they seemed to be backtracking on his character development from last week, but... first thought on Kim's mind the morning after she kissed Sugar for the first time; "she had to feel the same". And it's been a whole week, apparently, and Tom's deluding himself a lot less than she was, considering the circumstances of that kiss. You can't go from butt-monkey to awesome instantaneously. And when you're this inexperienced, you can get incredibly stupid and egotistical about these things. Fucking teenagers, eh? So, Tom's all "I've been leaving thousands of messages!" and putting his arms around her and shit, while Beth looks on, rather uncomfortably, figuring out the parts that Kim neglected to mention. KimVo admits to herself that screwing your stalker kind of sends mixed messages. But Beth's given her a whole heaping bowl of self-belief, so no more of that. "I'm gay," she says simply. Tom's like "Say what?" and "Are you quite sure?" which is a little amusing. Kim says "I'm sorry," KimVo immediately denounces this, because "For the first time, I'm not sorry." Beth gives her a proud smile, and they walk away together, hand in hand, leaving Tom standing in devastation.

Kim sits on the beach, and Beth brings ice cream. Kim has a different topping to what she ordered, since the stall was out and Beth tells her "It's good to branch out occasionally." Yeah, I don't think she's really taking about the ice cream there, but, that's really subtle and awesome. Beth goes on that "Treacle, Candyfloss, whatever her name is" is really not worth all the torment Kim puts herself through, which Kim figured out for herself a couple of episodes ago, but as KimVo points out, it's good to get an outsider's perspective. Beth continues with the riffing on Sugar's nickname; "A short term fix. Sends your heart rate rocketing, then rots your teeth." There's a little ice cream flirting, and Beth says she can't believe Kim's been in Brighton for three months and only met one girl to be interested in. For some reason, Kim does not say something like "Two, actually" and then kiss her. Come on, Kim. Don't make me come over there. Beth continues that she neds to make the most of what Brighton is famous for, and then says "I bet you haven't even been for a swim yet." Kim's like "Are you serious?", so Beth takes her hand and says "I'll race you," and together, they run into the sea. That's not much of a race. There's some splashing water at each other and much laughter, and Beth starts calling "Save me! Save me!", but she's totally cracking up, so she makes a pretty unconvincing drowning victim. Kim grabs hold of her anyway, and there's the expected laughter dying down and staring into each other's eyes stuff, but still no kiss. Well, now you're just deliberately tormenting me.

In a public toilet somewhere, they've both shedded some outer layers, and are attempting to dry their hair under the hand driers, and finally, with no words, Beth walks over, brushes Kim's hair out of her face and kisses her. MAN did that take forever. And, hey, no camera spinning! My arbitrarily assigned significance is still holding up! I, for one, am surprised.

And now, in spite of all the Kim and Beth stuff being completely wonderful, here's my favourite scene of the episode. It totally makes up for all the first seven episodes of butt-monkey nonsense which, honestly, is a pretty impressive feat. Tom's lying in bed, because obviously, he's not feeling too great about what's happened, and, as well the pain of rejection, he's going to be thinking the ridiculous "I turned her gay" crap, no matter how stupid it is. One of the interchangable gay Daves comes in to tell him to come down for tea, sees that he's clearly upset about something and, because Tom can actually rely on his family, talks to him about it. "They're not still calling you names, are they? I can't bear the thought of you sufferring because of me and David." Tom quickly dismisses this; "I don't care about the names." Aww, man. Proud smile from Dave. And, as it turns out, Tom is actuallyy less of a fuck-up than Kim, so he just comes straight out and tells him; "I slept with Kim, and she's now got a girlfriend." Dave gives no reaction beyond a couple of "right"s and some slight eyebrow raising, and Tom continues that he thought he really liked her, that he loved her. Dave pulls him in for a hug, and says "Do you know how proud we are of you?" and Tom's a little embarrassed, but Dave continues telling him he's the bravest, fairest, most open-minded person he knows, and there are plenty of straight girls out there waiting for him, the problem is finding one good enough. It is, admittedly, veering into cliché a little here, but they sell it so damn well. It's beautiful. "in the mean time," Dave continues, "I wouldn't worry about having slept with a lesbian. Most striaght guys would consider that something of an achievement." And more hugging, and Tom tells him he loves him, and it's just wonderful. Why couldn't they have given him this kind of stuff earlier? Wait, remember the Darth Vader moment. It's probably for the best that they waited until he developed at least some passable acting skills.

And now we're back with Kim and Beth, walking along the pier, with creepy carnival music playing in the background. Seriously, is there anything creepier than carnival music? I don't think so. Why the hell do they attach that stuff to something for kids? Anyway, it's now Beth's turn to tell sordid life details; Her first relationship with a woman was a mess. "Older woman. Well, two years older." Which would have been a pretty significant amount at the time, though I've got no particular clue how old Beth is now. I'd hazard a guess at maybe a year or two older than Kim though. I can't really summarise Beth's story any better than her, so I'll just quote: "Totally gorgeous, but mad as a brush. Didn't know where I was with her. Mucked up school for me and everything. It was like my life just stopped. And, you know what? I didn't care." Kim's says "It's not right, liking someone who makes you feel miserable." Beth agrees, but points out that it's probably why they met at the GiD meeting. They both tell each other that they were just there to take their minds off their respective woman troubles. I thought you were just there to pick up chicks, Beth? Beth goes on that she had all the more need to go after her mother caught her in bed with another woman. And that was the day I learned that there's no way you can remove your head from another girl's crotch in a nonchalant manner. OK, so Beth doesn't have any lines as awesome as that. She continues the story; she and her mother didn't talk for a while, then they did and cried some, and her mother gave her the usual "what about the grandchildren?" spiel, "then things calmed down. And that Christmas I got a turkey baster in my stocking." Bwah! OK, I take it back. Beth asks how Kim's parents are about it, Kim tells her they have their own shit to worry about and don't really pay attention to her, which suits her fine. She goes on that it's really nice to just talk about things, which she never does with Sugar, and then, because Kim is an IDIOT, "Why can't I meet someone that I get on with, and who, like, likes me?" Can't see the forest for the trees. But seriously, I wouldn't want to advocate prolonging it even further than they did, but that would have tracked way better if it came before the kiss. Shan't complain too much though, since it prompts another one.

Now sitting down, eating candy floss, Beth's asking why Stella came back, if she cares so little. Kim tells her she needed a place to stay, and Dale would've kicked her out. Beth asks "Are you sure about that? Purely selfish reasons?" I'll let her off since she hasn't actually met Stella. Also because "I think you should talk to Stella, tell her to sort it out. What's the worst that could happen?" Damn right. It's not like Stella could become even more useless.

And so, back to the house, Kim does exactly that. She takes a while to figure out where to start, so Stella's all "If you want dinner, order a chinese, because I AM COMPLETELY USELESS" and shit. Kim grabs the magazine Stella's reading and closes it, so she actually pays some attention to her. "Are you alright?" "No, not really." Full attention now. Kim tells Stella to talk to Nathan, Stella tells her she can't do that since he's disappeared. Kim points out that he has a phone. Stella huffily says "He walked out" and turns on the TV to drown out the irritating buzz of other people's feelings. Kim turns it off and angrily tells her "You shagged around!" and then, awesomely "I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't shout, and that I'd be grown up." She's never been more beautiful. For her part, Stella continues to avoid "grown up" like the plague, but Kim keeps pushing. "This isn't going to work. Us, the way we are. It's not fair on me." Stella gets all uppity at this, like, "How dare you tell me to actually put some importance on my daughter's well-being?" She gets out a cigarette. Kim is a Duracell bunny. "It's not fair on Matt. I know we've always been a screwed up family, but this is a fucking mess." Stella reflexively admonishes the language, then immediately burns herself light the cigarette and goes "Shit fucking bollocks!" I cannot believe they actually used that. That is a placeholder for a real joke. "Just look at you." Kim shakes her head sadly, "You're crap." Seriously. "You don't do maternal, and you never have." Stella looks hurt, and whinily asks "Are you saying I'm a bad mother?" YES. FUCKING YES. "You're Stella." That's a yes. "And you've never wanted to be more than that." Well, OK, that was very tactfully said, Kim. I'd still have gone with "YES. FUCKING YES." though. Anyway, finally, finally, Kim's getting through to Stella. As she leaves, Kim pauses for a moment and turns back, smiling, to tell Stella "We still want you. But with dad." And Stella's now left to think about what a terrible person she is. Hurrah!

In her room, Kim's getting all dressed up for a date with Beth. KimVo tell us she feels like an adult for the first time in her life, and is just generally feeling great, she's got her parents back together, and she's going on an actual date. Kim goes downstairs, walks past Stella, who's tidying up, and runs into Nathan at the door. They smile at each other. Kim gets a call from Beth, who wants to know how it went. Kim says she'll tell her later. Everything is right in the world right now. Kim waves to Tom on the other side of the street. Tom's with a bunch of grungy looking kids, leaning against a wall, smoking and just generally trying his hardest to look cool. He gives her a falsely disinterested "Hi" and then tells the gang "Had her. And her girlfriend." He chokes on the cigarette and throws it away, but does a good job of keeping his new image up in spite of this. He walks away, and his new cronies follow, with one of them carrying his trombone for him. I love that. "Everything seemed to be turning out right", KimVo says. Well, nice work, KimVo. Now we know something's going to go wrong. And there's only a couple of minutes left, so... brace for impact.

Stella offers Nathan a drink, which he turns down. Pause for a few seconds, then she gets started. "I've been talking to Kim... Well, Kim's been talking to me." Stella just said something that makes me like her. Woah. "She made me realise that I owe you an apology. For being a terrible mother, and a terrible wife." So far, so good. She carries on that she's just not good at that stuff, "and it would be stupid to pretend I'm just going to suddenly change." Nathan agrees. He doesn't want to go on like this. It's his fault too, apparently. Marriage been failing for years, trying to salvage it has just made it worse, so on and so forth. Nathan continues that he has become pathetic, pitiful. "If I woke up to this each morning, I'd start screwing odd-job men for kicks." Stella eventually puts a halt to the self-pitying by telling him "I still love you." Nathan says the same, "But I don't want to go on like this. I think it's right that you should leave." And now they have nothing to do but cry.

Well, I think we dodged a bullet there. Kim won't be happy to find out they've not worked things out the way she was expecting, but she'll cope. As far as "Everything seemed to be turning out right" backlash goes, it could have been much worse. Like, say they fucked with Kim and Beth's relationship? Wouldn't that be horrible? So, anyone getting this strange feeling that there's been something, or someone missing from this episode? This episode of Sugar Rush? Eh, it's probably nothing.

So, Kim aproaches Beth, who's waiting on the pier, just a few feet away. Almost there. Just a few more seconds. Kim's phone starts to ring. Just ignore it, it can't be that important, right? Fine. Ignore me. Check caller ID! Make sure it's not someone you don't want to talk to! Awww, crap. Kim answers the phone. It's Sugar. She's crying. "Kizz, I need you! I'm in deep shit!" She's pretty hysterical. Also, covered in blood. Beth turns, sees Kim and smiles. Then she sees the look of horror on Kim's face, and stops. Kim stands, frozen. Beth's starting to mirror her look of horror now. Kim looks at her, sorry in her eyes, then turns and runs. Aww, Beth! I'll miss you! And not just because you're really hot!

Man. So, that's where they leave us, going into the finale. Kim turned to the church and, in a rather fantastic way, found salvation. But sometimes, the thing you really want is the scariest thing of all, you know? Because, what if it's not enough? Kim's just not ready to face that fear yet. You can't go from miserable loner to perfect love instantaneously. Sugar's been pretty absent since she shattered Kim's heart into tiny pieces, but clearly, next week will make up for that in abundance. See you there.

Sunday Shuffle #1

So, in the spirit of actually writing about things that aren't Sugar Rush, I'm introducing a new weekly feature, cunningly designed to, hopefully, require a fairly minimal amount of effort on my part, while providing something interesting to read. If either one of those two things is actually the case, I'll consider it a rousing success.

Here's how it goes; every Sunday, or thereabouts, I'll open up [MUSIC PLAYER OF CHOICE], stick on the shuffle function, and then write something about whatever ten songs come up first. Some of them, I will probably have more to say about than others. It's that simple.

First up this week, Pulp - Roadkill. I'll preface by pointing out that Pulp are constantly vying with a couple of other bands for the esteemed position of my Favourite Band In The World Ever!!! II. That said, this is most definitely the weakest track on the otherwise sublime We Love Life, being an honestly rather dreary affair, and lyrics that are simply OK, with no stand-out examples of Jarvis Cocker's stellar wit.

Next, Radiohead - Creep (Acoustic). Well, thanks, [MUSIC PLAYER OF CHOICE]. I'm sure I'll have lots to say about Creep that hasn't already been said. Well, it's the acoustic version, so you've got the hilarious deep-voiced substitution of "very" for "fucking" and Thom getting really, really into it at the end. I think I like this version better than the studio version, actually. Also, if you haven't seen it before, check out this awesome video that someone made for it.

Modest Mouse - Tiny Cities Made Of Ashes. "I'm gonna get dressed up in plastic/gonna shake hands with the masses/OH NO!!!". Fantastic.

Manic Street Preachers - Baby Elian. So, the Manics have always had a habit of making ridiculously overlong albums, and Know Your Enemy may be the worst example of this, but there are diamonds to be found in the rough, and Baby Elian is one of them. It's by the Manics, so the lyrics are of course intensely political , but they're tied into a very nice tune.

The Flaming Lips - Slow Motion. Wonderfully uplifting drift-away stuff. The Soft Bulletin is a really great album, isn't it?

Natasha Bedingfield - These Words. Wow, I wouldn't have expected that something could follow The Flaming Lips and be even more joyous and uplifting, but seriously. I haven't listened to this for a long while, so overplay problems that it may have had at some point have worn off, and I can just enjoy the fuck out of it. "Read some Byron, Shelley and Keats/recited it over a hip-hop beat/I'm having trouble saying what I mean/With dead poets and a drum machine". If you can't see the utter genius in that, I just... you're dead to me.

Lisa Brown - Sad Day In Tennesse. Ooh, this is one that I don't actually know at all. There's one Lisa Brown (now known as, I believe, Snowfight In The City Centre) song, Hey I Really Love You that I've played a whole lot, because it's awesome, but I've never really paid attention to the rest of their stuff. Well, anyway, this song is OK, but the vocals seem a little off, somehow. I dunno.

Blur - I'm Just A Killer For Your Love. Never noticed this before, but this is definitely one of their most Gorillaz-like songs, I think.

And now it's time for a long rambling story! So, uh, some years ago, me and a somewhat varying number of somewhat like-minded individuals formed a band, known for a majority of it's lifespan, at least, as Avarice, to take the world by storm. Or, not. Anyway, all fired up on adrenaline and youthful exuberance and such, we came together one wonderful Friday evening, and recorded our first song, Silent Pipe hoping to take a triumphant victory in the Songfight competition that week. To this day, it remains, in my opinion, our greatest work, and probably only two of our many other opuses would even join it in the category of "remotely listenable". However, due to general incompetence or something, we didn't actually enter it in the Songfight competition. A few weeks later, we made our first and only Songfight entry, with a song called Frannie, featuring horribly out of tune vocals ("in the manner of a tired heroine addict", according to one reviewer), a cheap Casio keyboard drumloop, all instruments out of time with each other and, for no reason, an oppressively loud synth-string solo in the middle. It did, however, have a pretty awesome bassline, not that you can hear it. The point of all this? Well, Frannie was written in "tribute" to Fran Healy, and the steady decline of the quality of Travis's music over their first four albums, and the next song on this week's shuffle is Travis - Peace The Fuck Out, the absolute nadir of their career to date. It's incredibly ham-fisted anti-war posturing, and, unlike fellow 12 Memories ham-fisted anti-war posturing anthem The Beautiful Occupation, it doesn't even sound good if you can manage to ignore the lyrics. Nonetheless, I'll admit that Peace The Fuck Out is still an infinitely better song than Frannie.

Finally, Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb which, see above re: Creep, only even more so.

And that's all. Next week may not, in fact, have a Sunday Shuffle, since I've cunningly timed starting a "weekly feature" a week before I go back to uni and might be somewhat lacking in internet access for a while.

The Straight And Narrow

Sugar Rush Episode 1x08 - "Sugar Is Bad For You"

Episode Grade: A


Previously: The phrase "gay virgin" is back in, but I suspect it won't last. Also, Sugar is "a selfish, using bitch", Nathan was replaced by a robot that repeats variations on the phrase "spend time together as a family" ad infinitum and nobody noticed, and he apparently welcomed a completely wasted Stella back into his house, which DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN.

Kim throws away diaries and tears up pictures of Sugar, and KimVo rants that she must stop "this Mallory Towers gay crush thing". The music from the awesome scene at the club slowly fades in, as Kim pauses in her proactivity, holding a can of Five Alive with a lipstick mark on it, and kisses it. That's very, very weird, Kim, and what the hell is the deal with Five Alive cans on this show? Quick flashback of the kiss, then Kim crushes the can and throws it away. "Enough was enough. I needed some serious straight talkers."

Broad shot of the interior of a church, then a quick zoom with accompanying 'whoosh' sound effect on a fairly camp man in an orange sweater, who, with accompanying flamboyant hand gestures, proclaims "Welcome home! To the heterosexual life that God intended for us." Oh man. Does this sort of thing really actually happen? That is hilarious. Kim sits with a skeptical look, along with a bunch of other Gays-in-Denial, with various degrees of skepticality themselves. There's a girl with black hair who stands out (due to camera focus, not just because she's really hot.) The orange sweater guy, who shall henceforth be known as GiDeon, gestures to one of the GiDs, who stands and tells the others "Hi, I'm Belinda. I overcame lesbianism in 1999, and now I date men. Well, one man. Once." The others politely applaud. This shit is funnier than pubic lice. Another guy, who I'm sure I recognise but can't place, goes next: "I'm Gary, I left homosexuality two years ago." GiDeon looks disapprovingly at Gary, for some reason. Maybe because he's being upstaged in the camp gesture stakes. "I've been happily married for six months," Gary continues, "To a woman." He crosses his fingers and adds "Hoping to begin conjugal relations any day now!" GiDeon gives a little fist-pumping (not like that) good luck gesture. So damn funny. Kim and the black haired girl agree, but hide it better than me. They also catch each other's eyes and smile, to reiterate the fact that she's a significant character. GiDeon continues that they too can be like Belinda and Gary, by following six simple steps. "Step 1: Use a mantra to focus your mind. Something that trips off the tongue. 'Homos go to hell!' or 'Gay girls burn!'... whatever works for you."

In school, Kim tries out what works for her; she stands repeating "Sugar is bad for me" under her breath, as Sugar approaches. Sugar is all smiles, asking if she's come down yet, and, when Kim ignores her to continue her mantra, assumes she hasn't. Kim continues muttering "Sugar is bad for me, Sugar is bad for me", so Sugar leaves with raised eyebrows and says "O-K, then. Seeya later. Go see a doctor." KimVo announces "Success! I passed the test! Beat my demons", as Kim watches Sugar climbing the stairs and drools. "If only I hadn't looked back. But what do you expect? I was from a family of delusional saddos."

Which rather lamely segues us to the Daniels family, whole again, eating dinner. NathanBot parrots "This is nice, isn't it? All of us together, a family again." Stella asks Kim "How was school? And Sugar, how's she?" Which gets a whoosh zoom on Kim, and a little flashback of Kim at school, repeating the mantra.

And then we're back to the GiD meeting, where GiDeon reveals Step 2: "Crowd out sexual thoughts with pleasant images of nature."

Cut to Kim on a beach, eyes shut, taking in the sea-breeze. Well, OK, she's recently moved to the seaside from London, so I guess I can allow that she'd still find it pleasant. But she keeps crowding out the nature with pleasant images of making out with Sugar, so Step 2 is not going so well. She twitches and slaps herself, trying to block them out, which gets a passing couple to stare, but does nothing actually helpful.

In her room, Kim's practicing bad dental hygeine again. Quick shot of GiDeon with Step 3: "Maintain a chaste lifestyle." Kim throws her electric toothbrush out of the window, and there's a faint sound of a cat screeching at this, which is a nice little detail. And back to GiDeon with Step 4: "As homosexuality is invariably caused by rejection by a same sex parent," ROFLMAO and such, "We have to try and heal rifts." Awesome.

KimVo tells us she might have known it was all Stella's fault, and Kim finds Stella in the living room, rolling a cigarette. Kim offers to do it for her. So, uh, rifts healed, I guess. That was a tough one.

Step 5, and the camp gesturing goes into overdrive for this one: "Hang out with like minded people!" So, the GiDs stand around outside uncomfortably, drinking orange juice. The black haired girl, who is Scottish, for future reference, offers "I go to the cinema a lot". Kim tries to act interested in this banality and asks what kind of films she likes. "Comedies." Uncomfortable pause. "Or anything with Jodie Foster in." Kim is all animatedly "Me too! I love her!", and they have a little giggly bonding moment until they realise they're being a little too interested now, and awkwardly turn away from each other. Hee!

Finally, Step 6: "Read The Bible, and be sure to pray." Kim's very pious prayer that night: "Dear God, please help me stop perving over Sugar and find a fit guy to perv over instead, or, if it turns out you're OK with the whole same sex thing, stop Sugar messing me about, and help her find her way into my bed." Fantastic.

In bed, Nathan's asking Stella "Why did you come back?" You'd think he'd sort things like that out before letting her start sleeping in the same bed, but apparently not. Stella has no decent answer, so she pretends to be asleep. Nathan exasperatedly rolls out of bed and sits up looking away from her. Stella cries quietly in the corner.

Next day, Kim's at another GiD meeting. GiDeon reads passages from The Bible about the wrath of God, and Kim and Hot Scot are clearly too busy unconvincingly attempting to hide the fact that they're checking each other out some more to actually pay attention to him. I feel that this is ample justification for me to do the same. Hot Scot silently yawns and stretches in a way that quite deliberately shows off her stomach and breasts, and damn, there is nothing about this plotline that I don't love. KimVo, totally in denial, claims "Woah. I had a Sugar thing, not a girl thing." and quickly flees the church, as the GiDs watch in confusion.

On the beach, Kim is "trying a few steps of [her] own, like 'drown suspicions of gaydom in a vat of alcohol'". At The Pyjama Party (Huzzah, I get to use the stupid nickname!), Kim tries KimVo step 2: "Hang out with a bunch of neandterthals". The barman refuses to serve her, as she's underage, so one of said neandterthals offers to get it for her. Well, 'neanderthal' is perhaps a little harsh, Kim, he seems like a nice guy. Kim thanks him and gives a flirtatious smile. Kim does some shots and gets quite drunk, then starts playing pool while the friendly neanderthal gropes her. Kim pots a ball successfully and starts making out with him while the other neanderthals give wolf whistles and such.

In the living room, Stella smokes, and Nathan forgives her. Stella tells him to stop being so nice. What a long scene that was.

Friendly Neanderthal now has Kim in the toilets, and Kim is perhaps having second thoughts as he starts undressing her and himself. But he's having trouble performing, and apologises to her. Kim sees the feet she and Sugar drew on the wall way back in the first episode and starts crying. The continuity fairy is working overtime on this one. Friendly Neanderthal tells her it's not her fault, and asks what's wrong, but Kim doesn't answer and just keeps crying and he gets spooked and runs, shouting "I didn't do anything, alright? I didn't do anything!" Well, I guess he's kind of an idiot, but Kim hardly put him in an easy situation there.

Next morning, Kim's looking a little rough, though nothing like last week, and KimVo's being all wordy: "I was a hermetically sealed medical freak. Undoubted lesbian, proficient at pool, but worse, much worse, completely unable to stop thinking about Sugar."

In their room, Stella watches Nathan unpack her stuff and sits smoking and insulting him. Nice. Apparently, it's his fault she had an affair. Nathan, being a total doormat, does not kick her arse right back out the door, but instead accepts this and says "I'll change." Good lord, Nathan, you need to find a spine. Stella tells him "Don't change, just chill out. Be a bit more spontaneous", which WOULD BE A CHANGE, idiot. GOD.

Outside, Tom's spotted Kim in the street and runs up to her, then pretends he was right behind her and is all "fancy seeing you here!" That will just never get young. Kim gives him a friendly "hey" and starts unburdening her familial woes on him, because apparently, since she's avoiding Sugar, she has no other friends to talk to. That just does not seem healthy. So, Kim reports that Nathan's gone in to NathanBot overdrive, and Stella's gone all quiet and friendly and asking her about her day, which Kim finds disturbiung. Tom suggests that this is what mothers are supposed to do, Kim tells him she wishes she'd stop. They arrive at their houses, and Tom says "See you then," but Kim gives just stands there, deep in thought, so he adds "Unless..." And Kim's like, "well, why not?" so they go into Tom's house.

Kim looks around Tom's room at posters and things, and is clearly thinking "these are actually quite cool", so, Tom's actually a person now. I'm so glad, honestly. Tom enters with drinks, and acts like a total dork, but Kim's finding it funny instead of rolling her eyes, so suddenly it's endearing. I don't really understand how that works so well, but in spite of all evidence against it, it seems I trust Kim's judgement. Tom attempts to juggle a couple of bottles but drops thems them on the floor, and the lids fly off, spraying the contents around the room. Kim shrieks with laughter. I'm still a little weirded out by the fact that I'm enjoying scenes with Tom.

ForniKitchen (since Stella's back again), Nathan is repeating "spontaneous" to himself, and then uses a mop as an air guitar and sings "SPON-TAN-EEEE-OOOOUSS!!" in a quite amazingly dorky way. So, remember how Kim pointed out that Sugar is a lot like Stella? It's no coincindence that this scene comes right after we've seen Tom acting like a dork, I'm sure. Nathan notices Matt watching him, and embarrassedly starts mopping the floor.

KimVo tells us "It's good to talk, not matter how economical you are with the truth," and Kim's telling Tom a highly edited version of her encounter with Friendly Neanderthal; "He couldn't get it up! He got me there under false pretences." Tom suggests this would make him a "twat-tease", They both laugh, and Kim says "I didn't even fancy him," and Tom rather pointedly says "Well, you wouldn't, would you?" Kim claims that she is not gay, and was telling Sugar she loved her as a joke. Tom is clearly unconvinced, but plays along. When the hell did he suddenly become so cool? Kim teasingly says "Anyway, you love Sugar more than me," and Tom embarrassedly confesses "As we're talking sexual disasters..." Kim laughs, and admits that Sugar told her already. Tom isn't finding this one so funny, but, well, he brought it up. There's a slight pause, and then Tom emos "I'm going to be a virgin forever", and that's the moment that what follows becomes completely inevitable, because now Kim really gets him. Kim wraps an arm around him and kisses him on the forehead. Tom gives a little snort and shakes his head, then looks her in the eyes, and they kiss. There's some camera spinning here, if you're keeping track.

ForniKitchen, Nathan leads Stella in with his hand over her eyes. He's prepared a large rasberry pudding. "I thought we'd skip dinner and go straight to the fun part." Stella earnestly tells him she appreciates his efforts, but "when do I ever eat puddings?" Nathan tells her it always used to be her favourite part of the meal, and Stella dips a finger in, but Nathan grabs her hand and eats the pudding off it himself before she can, jokingly claiming "I thought you didn't want any". Nathan has clearly passed Stella's spontenaity test, and they soon start grabbing handfuls of pudding and slopping it all over themselves and such.

Bloc Party, "Helicopter". Perfect choice for this. Tom and Kim are frantically undressing each other. Tom asks if Kim's sure she wants to do this, she assures him she is. KimVo says "It was nice. Tom was nice. Of course, it was a whole lot nicer when I..." and Kim closes her eyes and pretends he's Sugar. Music turns into ambienty stuff, and Sugar and Kim slowly kiss, then back to Bloc Party and the frantic reality.

Back to the ForniKitchen, Nathan and Stella are being equally frantic, and also throwing pudding at each other, until Stella starts choking on it. Nathan attempts to give her the Heimlich and manages to crack a rib, then totally cracks me up by telling her "Don't die!" in the manner of someone saying "Stay put!" or whatever. Stella actually has to point at the phone before it occurs to him to do anything other than stand around panicking uselessly, like, say, calling an ambulance. "So, that was sex." KimVo muses cheerily.

Tom and Kim huddle post-coitally, and a little of the old, not suddenly-way-awesome Tom creeps in as he says "Guess you're not gay after all...". I'll allow him that. Kim freaks slightly and tells him she has to go, claiming to have homework to do, and Tom goes back to coolness by totally understanding and giving her a sincere "Thank you." as she leaves. He knows.

KimVo's giving the usual "No shooting stars, no veil falling" and so on speech. "No different." She leaves to find Stella being carted into an ambulance, which she's obviously a little taken aback by. Nathan is totally freaking out, still, and one of the interchangable gay neighbours that I don't think we've seen since the first episode has inherited some of his son's sudden coolness and offers some comfort to Kim, and asks if she'll be alright with Matt. She airily says "Yeah, sure", and the other interchangable gay neighbour is being cool too, offering to go with Nathan on the ambulance, but he's purportedly fine on his own too.

Kim goes in, and finds Matt on the table on his hands and knees, eating the remains of the deadly pudding like a dog. Kim goes up to her room, where Sugar's lying on her bed. Kim wants to know why she's there, Sugar tells her she came with a bottle of whisky stolen from her mother to cheer Kim up, but Kim wasn't there, so she drank it all herself. Kim passive-aggressives "Right, so you can go then." Sugar is completely perplexed that Kim is angry at her; "We were on E, it's no big deal!" which is not any kind of defence with all the hand-hloding and such that went on before you took it, Sugar. Kim angrily tells her "It was a big deal to me!" and Sugar gets totally bitchy and sarcastic. "What do you want me to do, ask you out? Hold your hand in the playground?" Well, Sugar, considering that's pretty much EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, Kim's kind of winning this one. Kim tells her to just go, but Sugar carries on, lying back on Kim's bed seductively and taunting "Why, isn't this where you want me?" Kim continues to be angry, and Sugar finally gets bored and leaves, giving her a kiss like Angelus kissing Buffy in "Innocence" on the way out. Bitch. "Bitch," KimVo agrees. "Always has to have the last word."

And it's time for a closing KimVo to tie disparate plotlines together, and she does a good job today. Church of GiDdiness, GiDeon tells the assembled GiDs to stand and hold hands for the Lord's prayer. "Powerful thing, self-belief," KimVo says, and there's a shot of Tom dancing dorkily in underwear and sunglasses. "A sudden surge is transforming. The possession of it, or impression of it, has a hold over others." Sugar smiles deviously in a nightclub. "But when it goes, what's left?" Nathan stares miserably at the pudding dish. "And just a little can make you take a chance." While the other GiDs close their eyes and recite the prayer, Kim just watches Hot Scot and smiles, and Hot Scot returns it. "The lord does move in mysterious ways."

Tonight May Have To Last Me All My Life

Sugar Rush Episode 1x07 - "Out"

Episode Grade: B


For, I think, the first time ever, KimVo does not use the phrase "gay virgin" in the previouslies. So, previously: Kim is a gay virgin, Sugar finally noticed. Some other stuff too, but since it doesn't concern those two, it's not really that important.

KimVo informs us that she's been hiding in her room for a week. Sugar calls, Kim ignores it, and if she's been there for a week, you'd think either or both of them would have got bored of doing that by now. Once again, the writes defeat the object of the previously by flashing back to Sugar's "Maybe you like me then" and the intense silence that followed. Nathan enters as the camera surveys a week's worth of dirty clothes and half empty glasses and things scattered around the room. Yeah, they've got teenage girls down. Nathan tells her that he knows she's not feeling well, but she should come downstairs once in a while. Then he adds "Spend time together as a family", which appears to be his version of an "um" or "er" or pause when he can't think of anything else to say. Nathan opens the curtains, which Kim hasn't done because because teenagers' worlds are dark and airless and as the sun shines on her face, KimVo decides that it's time to "come out and face the music."

In the bathroom, Matt is rooting through some feminine hygiene prducts, because, in case you hadn't noticed, he's weird. Kim asks what the hell he's doing, and he solemnly informs her that he's started his period. Yes, the writers have run out of things to do with him.

As Kim heads out, Nathan asks where she's going and Nathan, I swear, starts to say "Oh, Kim. I think you should spend more time together as a family." which doesn't even actually make sense. But anyway, Kim interrupts and successfully distracts his attention by telling him he should pay attention to the fact that his son is menstruating.

"There's only so long you can escape reality," KimVo starts, "But still, coming out to Sugar wasn't something that could be approached easily." I don't think it counts as 'coming out' when she's already known for a week, KimVo. "You could hardly describe Sugar as being particularly sensitive, open minded or PC." By way of evidence, here's a flashback of Sugar having some sort of problem with a fruit machine, and accusing a random gay couple of doing something to it, which seems to be more down to the fact that they're standing closest than any homophobia. That's hardly compelling evidence. When the bouncer tells her to stop kicking the machine, she also calls him a "fat dwarf" though, which I guess at least covers the first and last point pretty well. Back to present day, Sugar's leaning over a railing in a way that doesn't look at all comfortable, and smoking. Kim approaches, and stands right up next to her. Sugar doesn't appear to acknowledge her presence, and Kim starts playing with her phone. Is she going to call Sugar and say "Hey, I'm standing right next to you"? That would be funny. Sugar asks if Kim's phone being broken is the reason why she isn't returning her calls, then tells her "I know you fancy me, so you might as well stop acting like a twat about it" and walks away. She's handling this so much better than Kim. I like her a lot more in this episode than I do in any other, I think. Well, the stuff that goes down at the end, anyway.

Back home, Matt tells Nathan he had a dream about "curvy pink aliens", and when he woke up his sheets were stained, hence the menstruation crap, and that's enough of this ridiculous subplot, thank you very much. Oh hey, they actually have redecorated Matt's room in pink. I appreciate the nod to continuity in that, but it's not enough to make up for the boredom of Nathan talking crap about how boys are different from girls for, like, an hour.

So, over to the Decorating Den to watch Dale and Stella have sex and dammit, this is boring too. Seriously. They show too much of it. So, Stella puts her back out because she's not as young as she wants to be. Over to Kim already, please.

Oh, hey, thanks. In the bathroom of the same club Kim and Sugar are always at, which I guess I should have a nickname for by now... I'll get back to you on that. Anyway, KimVo's all "So, that's it. I'm 'out'." Kim looks at all the exciting and varied graffiti; "TWAT LOVER", "RUG MUNCHER" and, best of all, "CLAIRE DOES LADY LOVE WITH [not shown]". I think that would make a good name for a band. Sugar enters, KimVo is anxious to hear what she actually thinks about the whole lesbian thing, but Sugar is pretending like nothing has happened at all. Kim appears to have been replaced by a waxwork, saying nothing and staring straight ahead.
Back in the main club, Sugar plays pool and has put a cue in waxwork Kim's hands, and tells her she caught Daz with a fourteen year old, who, unlike Sugar, he let put her feet up on the dashboard of his car. Which is what Sugar is outraged about, rather than the whole paedophilia thing. Being a waxwork, Kim has nothing to say. Sugar gets frustrated with her inability to ignore the elephant, and says "Just because you're a pussy lover, don't make you deaf as well, does it?" which causes Kim to scoop the cueball off the table.

Decorating Den. Dale massages Stella's back, but is not too good at it, so Stella tells him to forget about it. They do that "So..." "So..." thing that people who have nothing in common do when they have to stop having sex for some reason. Stella thinks they should try talking, Dale thinks they should try PlayStation games (See, because Stella is older than Dale. Subtly done, eh.) Both assume the other is joking, and are slightly horrified to discover they aren't. Dale says "we've got hours until PJ's", which seems to be pushing the "Dale is young" thing a little too hard. Oh wait, "It's Friday. We're going clubbing." So I guess "PJ's" is the name of the club. I'm not actually sure if it's the same as Kim and Sugar's usual place, but I need a nickname for it, so it's becoming "The Pyjama Party" regardless.

Oh dear, Nathan's still yammering. Also, punching a punching bag, while Matt clings to the other side for dear life. Blah blah, Nathan struggles to cope with the conflicting demands of males in modern society. I don't care. Nathan punches harder and harder, rants louder and louder about "lonely depressed bitterness" and shit, then pulls back for a harder blow and misses the punching bag completely, punching Matt in the face. Well, it's good that you're doing things together as a family, right Nathan?

Kim and Sugar, sitting on the beach. Kim looks kind of worryingly pale here. I don't know what's up with that. "My family are freaks", she says. Yes, I know already. She blames Stella's habit of making "public events of her bodily functions" for Matt's menstruation. Stella really is just completely awful in every way, isn't she? "Nathan still thinks she'll come back." Sugar agrees with him, because she thinks Dale will get bored an "start chasing some younger ass", with the terrible attempt at an American accent she always does on the word 'ass'. Would it kill you to just say 'arse'? Honestly. Anyway, Sugar says it's like Daz; "sixteen and he thinks you're past it." That doesn't actually sound like the same thing at all, Sugar. How old is Daz, anyway? Old enough for that to be icky, I'm sure. Sugar goes on "He just can't stomach the fact that you've probably got more GCSE's than what he has; Metalwork and a 'U' in Computer Science." She goes on that she's through with him, and The Donkey, who was only worthwhile to cheat on Daz for. But no mention of poor maligned Ray the doorman. "Of course, there is always Tom," she adds, "Trigger happy Tom, with the fastest gun in the west", which for some reason I can't fathom, Kim takes as a jibe at her. What? Sugar interestedly asks Kim about lesbianism, saying "You've got to have a few tricks up your sleeve to make up for the fact that there's no cock." Kim is all embarrassed and Sugar keeps needling, and Kim has no answers, and Sugar realises that Kim doesn't actually know what these tricks would be, and asks how she can be sure she's really a lesbian if she's never even "given it a whirl". Kim pleads "can we talk about something else?" and, at Sugar's questioning, embarrassedly tells her she's not embarrassed. So, they lie back on the beach and Sugar kind of cedes to Kim's request, and tells her she's off men, then gives her a significant look and single entendres "I reckon it's time I found other ways to enjoy myself." Now, I'm pretty sure that counts as still talking about it, but I suppose Kim is probably not going to complain.

So, there's a joyous montage of Kim and Sugar riding various amusement park rides (though, not the dream waltzer, which I'm sure I could ascribe some irrelevant significance to, if i wanted), and doing a lot of giggling and smiling at each other and throwing candy floss at each other and the like. And then maybe we can have a montage of Nathan and the wagon full of pancakes as door-to-door salesmen down on their luck, but that's perhaps a little obscure. Anyway, Kim and Sugar are totally in looooooooove. See, they're sitting on deckchairs with their FEET TOUCHING. And Sugar, with more than a little hesitance in her eyes which Kim doesn't see, of course, offers her hand to Kim, and they sit holding hands, and it would be really sweet if it wasn't obvious that this is far too easy. Kim and Sugar are both far too fucked up to just make it work like that, and besides, there's still three and a half episodes to go.

In Paradise now, like, actually, Kim watches Sugar twirl around in a skimpy red dress. Sugar asks what Kim thinks, an gives a jovially offended eyeroll at her "nice", so Kim amends to "Amazing. Gorgeous." Sugar gives a 'that's better' smile, and brings out a perhaps slightly even less substantial dress for Kim to wear. Kim is all "I am SO not wearing that", and Sugar is like "Your double standards astound and amuse me", and they get all cutesy joke-insulting each other again, then Sugar starts forcibly undressing Kim, so, yeah, Kim's having fun.

Back home, Nathan is tending to Matt's injuries and apologising. He's been a little depressed since Stella left, which, kind of noticed when you were passed out on the kitchen floor that one time. This scene serves no useful purpose, but at least it's short.

In PJ's, which appears not to be Kim and Sugar's usual place. I bet that now I've named it, they're not ever going to go back there. Anyway, Stella does a line of coke, and starts nodding her head to the music, and Dale's friends are all like, "what the fuck is someone OVER 25 doing here?!", and Stella makes it worse by asking "Doesn't anyone want to dance? Isn't that what you're supposed do at nightclubs?" Dale is embarrassed, Stella is OLD, repeat and fade. Unlike the previous scene, this one is not mercifully short.

Back to the story I actually care about, Sugar's got Kim out of her clothes and into the dress, and they're running along a darkened street. Sugar offers Kim a little heart-shaped tablet (I'm not up enough on drug recognition, obviously). Kim nervously says she's never done one before, so they take half each, and go into the club. Which is not The Pyjama Party, so looks like my stupid nickname may indeed be totally going to waste. Bastards.

And now it gets really cool. "Some people say their first time on E [Thanks, KimVo!] made them love everybody." Lights shine all in the camera and it's a little disorienting, in the manner of 'I'm on a TV show and I've taken drugs' scenes everywhere, but Kim, smiling, radiant, keeps us centred. KimVo continues; "But mine wasn't like that. I mean, I liked them, I was glad they were there, but only as witnesses to the one love I was feeling." So, you know what's coming after this much pride, right? Kim slomos through the crowd to Sugar, and everyone else's face is obscured by lens flares or drinks or strings of beads hanging from the ceiling (yeah, I know, what the hell). It's really nicely done. Sugar and Kim dance, and the rest of the world melts away. Well, until Generic Chav #19 interrupts to ask "Are you two lesbians?" and Sugar says "Yeah, we are" and laughs, because it's a game to her, but Kim, of course, doesn't pick up on that, because living in reality has just got nothing on the other thing. Kim is mesmerised completely by everything. Sugar kisses her, for the second time, which again gets the camera spinning, but it's a lot slower this time. It's more real this time. The kiss lasts a full minute, and I'm actually not exaggerating this time. It's beautiful. It's a lie, but a beautiful one. After they eventually disengage, Kim serenely goes to buy drinks, and KimVo tells us how she normally worries that they'll peg her as underage, but today she's oozing confidence. "Tonight, I was buying my girlfriend a drink, and nothing could stop me." she proudly proclaims. Kim returns with drinks and here comes the fall; Turns out Sugar's time on E is following the "love everybody" trend, because she's making out with Generic Chav #19. And the world comes crashing back.

Kim exits, throws up on the beach and cries, and we the camera goes to her face, and damn, that is not pretty. Which is completely realistic, of course, but man. I'm really feeling her hurt. I know I say this all the damn time, but Olivia seriously is a great actress. Kim stumbles across the beach, and happens upon Stella, though she has to get, like, two inches away from her before she realises who it is. Stella looks up, and Kim cries some more, and this is just not going to go well. I mean, it's Stella. Frankly, Kim, you'd be better off laying your burdens on Generic Chav #19. So, they've found a burger bar and Stella, wasted, keeps shouting "No, onions!" and the guy can't figure out if the comma is there or not, and in spite of it all, this is hilarious. Kim eventually clarifies that Stella does want onions, and takes the burger to Stella who's sat down on a fence. Stella waves it away and says "I'm not hungry, thanks." Hah! Oh, that is great. Kim looks down at the burger, confused. Stella goes first with the pity party, naturally, telling Kim "He beat me." Kim, quite reasonably, assumes the worst, because, I mean, I don't even know what Stella's actually talking about. "No, no, he beat me. He won." Sure. Whatever you say. Stella mumbles for a while, getting all depressed about whatever. The basic gist is that it's over between stella and Dale, I guess. Stella suddenly grabs the burger from Kim and takes a bite to cheer herself up, I guess. This burger deserves a comedy award of some kind, I tell you. "He was only good for fucking," Stella continues, "You know, I got bored, I actually got bored." Kim is like, "I can't believe that today of all days I have to listen to this from my mother." And it gets worse, of course. It always, always gets worse; Stella moves onto Nathan, saying "18 years we'd been together. Can you imagine how hard that is, how it sucks the lifeblood away from you?" Kim points out that she was there for 15 of them, but that's not Stella's pain, so Stella doesn't care. "Do you hate me?" Stella asks. First time so far she's wanted to know anything about what Kim's feeling, and it's what Kim's feeling about her. You weren't her mother, the answer would be yes, because, seriously, you have no redeeming features, Stella. Kim's answer is awesome; "It would make things a hell of a lot easier." Stella rests her head on Kim's shoulder, and finally shuts up so Kim can actually tell her what the crying was all about. Only because she's fallen asleep, but you take what you can get. "I thought I'd found the woman of my dreams tonight," Kim tells her, then, bitterly, "You and her are quite alike." Which, no shit, but now you've figured it out, Kim, you can get to finding someone better, because God knows you need to.

And, to close, sad music montage of Kim and Stella and the wagon full of pancakes getting a cab home, interspersed with flashbacks of Kim's half day of ecstacy, and KimVo chats about how "there are some moments in life you know you'll never forget," this night being a prime example. Three to go, which, in US-length terms would be about five or six, which is about the time to start upping your game and setting up the pieces for a season finale. The second half of this one did an excellent job of kicking that off, after NOTHING HAPPENED in the first half.

Love Is Better Than A Warm Trombone

Sugar Rush Episode 1x06 - "Sensitive"

Episode Grade: B-


Previously: Blah blah gay virgin yadda yadda yadda. Oh and Kim is being stalked by Tom the butt-monkey, so I guess he'll be appearing in this episode. Great.

KimVo tells us "For the first time in a long time, I had something to smile about." Kim helpfully illustartes this by lying in bed, smiling. Then we flashback to the swirly camera kiss, with "Do You Realize??" playing. Kim sits up in bed and looks about ready to burst into awful songs about breakfast cereal, and then a rumor will get spread around the internet that she's committed suicide. "Nobody could take take kiss away from me" explains KimVo, and we flash back a little further to show Kim's terrible idea that caused the spinning camera kiss. More spinning. I'm getting dizzy here. Kim applies make up, and brings the amount of smiling we've seen from her in the first minute of this episode further above the amount we've seen at all previously. More flashbacking, but thankfully no spinning camera this time. Just intrusive close-up on lips. Freezeframe. Sugar kissage. We get it already. Kim actually skips into the kitchen and grabs an apple, while Nathan puts things in boxes with labels like "TART'S MEDICINE" and "SLAG'S SHOES". KimVo continues to blather about rainbows and unicorns and shit. Matt's helping Nathan box up Stella's stuff. It's good that they're doing things together, as a family.

Kim walks outside and cheerily greets Tom the butt-monkey, who stands looking confused. And that's all he does! (In this scene, I mean.) (And in general.) Hurrah. Meanwhile, KimVo demonstrates a total lack of grip on reality; "Sugar had shaken my world. She had to feel the same."

Paradise. Suagr is packing a suitcase, having decided to move to Paris to live with Guillame. The music comes to a record-scratchy halt, and Kim's face falls back into familiar territory. Kim asks why Sugar thinks he'll want her. Sugar explains that Kim's harmless mistranslations were not so harmless after all. Well, not in those words, obviously. But somehow, she's got it into her head that Guillame is in love with her, and called her things like "my little angel", and I don't know how that could have happened, do you, Kim?

Kim follows Sugar along the street asking "What about your mum?" Sugar tells her she won't even notice. I do like how they just slip little things about Sugar like that in like they're no big deal. Kim starts clutching at straws; "What about your GCSEs?" Sugar, of course, just laughs that one off. Kim points out that Sugar hardly knows him. Sugar basically says "Biblical sense is good enough for me!" and tells her to wait outside a shop while she gets a French dictionary "for [her] wedding vows". KimVo stupidly says "Things couldn't get any more tragic." Hi, Tom! He's walking his dog, Vanessa, and starts explaining the retractable lead he's bought her. Thankfully for Kim, and me, we're spared too much of this, as Sugar's gone for the five finger discount and comes dashing out of the shop telling Kim to run. Tom watches, looking confused. You'll be seeing that sentence a lot.

Dale's Decorating Den. Nathan's boxes are being delivered to Stella by an awesome snarky delivery man. He's only there for, like, five seconds, but he's great. Stella's eyes light up at the 'birthday present', until she reads the "Happy Birthday Whore" label, and notices all the other boxes piled up outside.

Sugar's just about to get on the coach, so Kim realises she has to come clean about the mistranslating. To a certain extent, anyway; she makes Sugar look up the word she'd translated as "angel" before she leaves. Sugar resists, accusing Kim of being jealous of her actually achieving something with her life, but eventually gives in and looks it up. "That garlic eating wanker!" she yells. Kim tries to give her a comforting hug, but Suagr fairly reasonably gives her the cold shoulder. Kim trails after her, like a dog with a new retractable lead. "That's the thing about betrayal. You always want revenge." KimVo cheerily informs us.

Stella surveys her stack of boxes resignedly. The camera pans around them, and we can see that Nathan's labelled one as "BITCHE'S BOOKS". I don't know what that apostrophe could have done to deserve such abuse.

Over at the now bitche-less house, Nathan's giving Matt some helpful fatherly advice, which I'll transcribe in full, because it's so awesome: "You see, when you get married, you'll know not to make the mistakes I've made. For a start, don't trust a woman. Ever. About anything. Because she's bound to be lying. Check her mobile phone bills. Check her diary. If she seems happy, assume the worst. Question her at every available opportunity. Ideally, you should stop her from leaving the house at all." I love bitter Nathan. I wish he'd stay around longer. Throughout this speech, Matt's been squeezing "BICH" onto the table in ketchup. Nathan absently informs him that he's missed out the 'T'. And the 'E', no, Nathan?

Stella calls them on her mobile, but gets an answering machine message (After the phone rang once. That ain't right.) from Matt; "Sorry, me, dad and Kim are out and mummy doesn't live here any more". Stella leaves no message, and starts crying. I'm not really brimming with sympathy here yet, but it's a start.

Suagr and Kim are off to a club together, so I guess Sugar's forgiven her already. She doesn't really have the attention span to hold a grudge. Tom finds them at the doorway, Sugar mocks him some. Inside, Sugar and Kim do shots. And ooh, "Angel Interceptor"! I don't know why I'm pointing out the music so much in this episode, because it's always great. Sugar drunkenly worries that Guillame might be as good as it gets, then starts insulting his theoretical new girlfriend and asks Kim if her tits are too small. She's all over the place here. Kim tells her "Your tits are great!" but Sugar doesn't hear her, so she repeats it rather too loudly, which gets a bunch of guys around her staring and laughing. Kim has a deer in headlights look for a second, then Sugar bursts out laughing.

In the bathroom, Sugar lights a cigarette and gravitates angst-ward for a second asking "How can someone who makes you feel so great be so wrong?" Kim says she understands the feeling, then covers herself at Sugar's questioning by pretending to be talking about her parents. "I am totally off men", Sugar says, and Kim starts attempting to steer her into lesbian impulses by doing that 'subtle' "you just need to find the right person" thing, and saying she needs to find a person who is nice and who she can talk to, but Sugar completely doesn't get it. They go back out to the club, and Sugar starts appraising random guys, prompting an angry outburst from Kim to stop obsessing over men all the time. Sugar is all "what else is there to do?", Kim gets all teen-stereotype and tells her "You don't understand! Just go and get laid!" and storms out. Sugar is all, "WTF." As is Tom, who watches, looking confused.

Kim sits on the waltzer from the dream sequence right at the start of the pilot and stares moodily into space, and I get really distracted in this scene because it takes me ages to work out which Pulp song the instrumental that's playing right now comes from. It's "Sunrise", if you're wondering. KimVo stays fairly quiet for a while, so we can just enjoy the music, which is nice of her. The waltzers spin round and round, but shrouded in darkness to contrast nicely with the bright sunlight from the camera-spinning kiss. This scene is cool, y'all. The waltzer eventually stops, Kim watches a random couple get off, and eventually does the same herself, and KimVo is once again telling us it's time to end the lies. Voiceover who cried wolf.

So, Kim heads to Paradise, and bares her soul to Sugar, only in a ridiculous contrived and predictable plotline, she doesn't bother to check that the body in Sugar's bed completely covered by the duvet is actually her. Come on, writers, you can come up with something better than that. So as soon as Kim's finished, Sugar 'shockingly' comes out of the bathroom and asks Kim what the hell she's doing there, and in the slighlty less predictable part of the scene, Tom comes out from under the covers and watches. Looking confused.

Kim wakes up in her bed with a start, looking a whole lot rougher than when she did that at the start of the episode. Well, by TV standards, anyway. "I used to think it was bad to get so drunk you lost your memory", KimVo says, "But now I'm beginning to see that it does have its advantages." She wanders into the kitchen, where Nathan blearily tells her to have a good day, and Matt arranges his potato alphabet things into the word "TART". Meanwhile, Dale tells Stella she needs to do something about the pile of boxes since they're blocking the TV, but refuses to actually give her any help with it. Stella continues to look regretful about things.

Kim and Sugar sitting on deckchairs on the beach, Sugar enthusing about Tom's performance the night before, though she continuity-friendlily doesn't actually remember it. "You should see the marks on me!" she exclaims. I'm sure Kim won't turn down that invitation no matter how disgusted she is. And, as her dead-eyed, disbelieving and other such alliterative adjectives stare indicates, she is certainly disgusted. There's a flashback/fantasy sequence to helpfully illustrate Sugar and Tom's fun, sexy time last night. I don't think anyone needed to see that. Then, the emoest KimVo yet: "It was as if someone had ripped out my insides and replaced them with pure unadulterated pain." Seriously, she said that. Pure, unadulterated pain. Ah, the exuberance of youth. Sugar gets a call from Tom to confirm he'll be meeting her at eight that night, and gleefully laughs "Guillame can kiss my ass". She laughs some more, and it's all edited together really disjointedly, which I assume is purposeful, but I'm not really sure what that purpose is.

Over in Paradise now, Kim is pissily complaining that when she was telling Sugar to find someone sensitive, Tom wasn't exactly what she had in mind. You'd think she'd be grateful he had something to distract his attention from her. Honestly, there's no pleasing that girl. Anyway, Sugar protests that he is a real gentleman, since she recalls him holding her hair back while she threw up. She's so classy. Kim does her usual storm-off to Sugar's confused protests.

KimVo rants about how she could cope with Sugar screwing random blokes from pubs and French wankers, but butt-monkey stalkers is just taking it too far. Kim is walking home when conveniently happens to see Tom walking into a shop leaving Vanessa tied to a lamp post outside, so she does what anyone in their wrong mind would do in her situation and kidnaps his dog. And texts him a ransom note with no actual ransom demand, just telling him to collect her at eight tonight from "blackmore es tate", and with photographic evidence that she really has his dog. I can't even be bothered to point out how stupid all that is, honestly. Tom reads the text and looks confused, because it's the only expression he has.

Dale's Decorating Den, boxes are still stacked high, and Stella is flicking through an old photo album wistfully. There's pictures of a couple of younger Kims that actually look somewhat like younger Kims this time, which I guess is easier to do when they just need to be pictures. Also, younger Stella who looks so much like her that I have to assume that it actually is a younger Sara Stewart, and someone who I guess is supposed to be a younger Nathan, but, not done a great job there. Still, two out of three ain't bad.

Back to Kim's canine kidnapping caper, Kim ties Vanessa to a pole at the rendezvous point and runs. "OK, kidnapping a dog was a little extreme, but I just couldn't stand the thought of anyone else getting their hands on what was rightfully mine." KimVo, you're bordering on serial killer right now. Back to slightly less psychotic territory, she reports "Love makes you blind to the world around you."

Nathan sinks into the couch with a glass of wine, but puts it to one side when he notices a pile of Matt's drawings on the table in front of him. There's a general space theme, with a random alien, "Dad" in a spacesuit and for some reason about as much hair as Homer Simpson, a rocket labelled "our car", and finally a large face with blonde hair labelled "Mum" at the top and "fucking whore" at the bottom. Uh, that one doesn't fit the space theme, obviously. Nathan finally registers that perhaps he should get back to doing a little parenting and heads up to Matt's room, which has various anti-Stella slogans painted all around the walls. Matt stands there, having painted himself completely red, and cheerfully informs Nathan that he likes him the best.

Kim meets Sugar in a bar, and Sugar tells her she shouldn't have listened to her. "He cancelled on you then?" Kim asks, and tries her best not to look ecstatic about it. Don't you think that might be kind of a suspicious thing to ask, Kim? There could be any number of reasons for Sugar's upset. Not that Sugar notices, of course. "Do you know what nice guys are?" Sugar asks. "Tedious, overrated and full of shit?" Kim suggests matter-of-factly. "Wankers!" Sugar exclaims, then actually listens to Kim's answer and, wind rather taken out of her sails, agrees "but, yeah, that'll do". Heh. Kim and Sugar agree that it's a good time for going down to the beach with a bottle of cheap vodka, and, given the next scene, I can't blame them.

So, Tom runs to his rendezvous point, and discovers the wonderful retracting lead draped around a pole, but with no Vanessa attached. Camera stays on his confused looking face, which is perhaps not the best directing choice, as we hear dog barking, squealing tires and then some squelching. And then more cars drive past, and there's squelching, squelching, squelching. It seems this show hates animals as much as it hates linear storytelling. Then the most horiffic part; overhead shot of Tom as he gives some Darth Vader in Episode III worthy overacting, shrieking "VANESSA!!!!!!!" to the stars. You'd think I'd be happy he's managed a new facial expression, but dear God.

Nathan washes the red paint off Matt and hums and haws his way around trying to talk sense into him, and and Matt cuts right to the heart of the matter at his "So what I'm trying to say is..." by finishing "Mum's not a whore?" Nathan looks relieved. "Does that mean we've got to repaint my room?" Matt asks, and, at Nathan's affirmative, "Can it be pink?".

Sugar and Kim drunkenly chat, and ,deciding that the butt-monkey hasn't had enough crap piled on him yet this episode, Sugar tells Kim, having had a little more recollection of the night she spent with him, that he wasn't so great after all. Actual flashback time! Sugar pours drinks, Tom babbles about his fucking trombone. But he gets an actual funny line; "And you know, despite what everyone says, me playing it doesn't make me a twat." Sugar and Kim laugh about that a bit, then back to the flashback. I really don't know why we needed that jump out of the flashback. Is it a sort of makeshift laugh track, just in case one or two viewers hadn't worked out that the butt-monkey is a butt-monkey? Tom stares intently at the wall, and continues to explain the exciting life of a trombonist. "Most people think the trombonist moves the slide just with his wrist. But really... it's these two fingers." Sugar attempts to get into this completely absurd seduction technique and gropes him, because she's really drunk. Tom suddenly dives at her, knocking her onto her hair straighteners, creating the marks mentioned earlier. Tut tut, she left them on, just lying on the floor. That's, like, number one cause of house fires these days, isn't it? Anyway, Tom apologises, Sugar laughs it off, until she notices that he's pointing significantly at his crotch, and not actually apologising for the straightener burns. Back to the present, Sugar and Kim continue laughing, and Sugar wonders why Kim thought a sensitive guy was such a good idea. "Maybe because that's what you go for," she suggests, which Kim vehemently denies, and also calls Tom "sooo square." Now, I'm not going to claim to be excessively cool, but I'm fairly certain no one has used "square" in that sense since about the eighteenth century, writers. Sugar continues to press the matter, and Kim insists that he is absolutely not the type she goes for. Then the butt-monkey abuse stops and things pick up again at last; Sugar asks "Then why have you been acting weird all day? Maybe it's because you're jealous." Kim continues to insist that Tom does nothing for her, and Sugar jokingly suggests "Well, maybe you like me then." And Kim just has nothing to say to that, and just gives an intense look. Sugar stops laughing, and all the pieces start falling into place. Kim realises she's still not ready, and tries to laugh it off, but it's too little, too late. More intense looks between them, and that is what this show is all about. I'm always giving props to Olivia, but Lenora Crichlow does a great job with Sugar too, it's just that up to now, she hasn't had much call to show it. Sugar's depth reveals itself slowly. There's like a full minute of them just looking at each other here, neither of them have the words, and it's far more intense than anything else in the episode. When I say "a full minute", I actually mean about five seconds. I'm saying this now, because I'm sure I'll do that a lot. I don't have a great concept of time, apparently. Kim eventually stammers that she has to go, and flees, leaving Sugar to think about just exactly what this says about some of Kim's past behaviour. And now there'll be no more KimVo insisting halfway through every episode that "the lies must end", which has got to be a good thing. So, past the halfway point of the first season, and I guess now it should really get going.

Frenchy, I'm Faking

Sugar Rush Episode 1x05 - "In The Middle"

Episode grade: B+


Previously: Everybody had crabs, and it was awesome.

Now: Look at the pretty beach! Isn't it pretty! Look at Kim, staring moodily out to sea! Isn't she pretty! Also, some French guy is singing something French. KimVo, in subtitled French, tells us she's caught in the middle of an impossible situation.

ForniKitchen. Nathan is kicking Stella out of the house, Stella is alternately sarcastic and whiny. She has nowhere to go, Nathan doesn't care. It descends into trading insults, and Kim bursts up from her seat, yelling "For fuck's sake, shut up!" Stella and Nathan both berate her for shouting and swearing. They've done that one before, but it's still fairly amusing.

And now Stella and Nathan are not talking each other, and have fallen back on the old failsafe of sending messages to each other through their daughter. So, to decongest sentences in this recap, I'll be using "kim" as a verb. Of course, that won't work later when she starts mistranslating, but it'll do for now. Nathan kims that he wants Stella to get out by five. Stella claims he won't be able to manage without her. Nathan quite rightly ridicules this; "There'd be no one to, ooh, let me see, fill up the ashtrays and drink champagne!" He kims that she's made a mockery of the marriage. Stella gives this a hard "Fine!", and promptly bursts into tears. Kim asks Nathan, who is chopping vegetables of some kind "So you won't change your mind?" He turns around, weilding a knife and looking positively psychotic. And immediately dissolves this image by sincerely asking "Do you think I should?" Stella, in hysterics, now in Kim's room. Kim comforts her, incredibly awkwardly. "Everything's going to change!" Stella cries. KimVo agrees.

Cut to Stella being taxied away, Kim and Nathan looking on. Presumably Matt is busy killing hamsters on the moon right now. Nathan shouts a sarcastic "Have fun!" and tells Kim to inform Stella he wants her stuff out by Friday. KimVo tells us she's been so busy telling everyone what everyone else thinks, she forgot to tell them to sod off. That doesn't actually make sense, KimVo. What you mean is "I didn't have the courage to tell them to sod off."

Kim tries to get away from it all, but finds herself stuck relaying messages again, this time between Sugar, who doesn't speak French and her new French boyfriend Guillame, who doesn't speak English, but has probably appeared in a shampoo advert at some point in his career. Flashback to Sugar and Guillame about to get it on. Kimvo explains that they don't need a lot of words, but the odd one or two were helpful. Sugar asks Guillame if he has a condom, and does the oh so helpful talk loud and slow at foreigners thing. Guillame says some stuff, but there's no subtitles, and I got a D in my French AS level. Back to the present. Guillame brings ice creams, and asks if Sugar wants vanilla or strawberry. Kim doesn't bother asking and claims the strawberry for herself. You'd think they'd have decided what they wanted before sending him to buy them, but I guess maybe he went before Kim arrived? But since Sugar and Kim's conversation made it clear this was the first time Kim met him, how would he know she was coming? Back on Me Not Overthinking Things, Guillame and Sugar seductively lick their ice creams at each other, while Kim looks gleeful about her cunning acquisition of the strawberry cone.

Later, Sugar and Guillame feed each other chips, and Kim watches them, looking annoyed, because chips don't come in strawberry. Sugar kims that she had a really good time last night, and asks what Guillame is doing later. Kim is annoyed, because Sugar had already made plans with her. Sugar is oblivious to Kim, as ever, and says "Maybe we could get to know each other better", which Kim translates as "She wants to shag you again". In response, Guillame kisses her hand. Sugar giggles and says "He's such a gentleman", which is, of course, an ironic segue to Guillame's "Tell her I like it doggy style." Kim takes out her frustration at the situation on her cigarette.

Ooh, a new set! It's a crappy little appartment, with empty beer cans and pizza boxes and the like lying all over the floor. And also paint tins. Stella, bags in hands, appraises the room and tells Dale "Now I know why we always met in hotels." Dale confidently says "Because it's dirty and sleazy." Our survey says "EH-UH!!" Dale looks offended at Stella's suggestion that his place is a mess, and asks "You're not going to be a nightmare, are you?" Oh, I thought you guys had met. Stella looks a little doubtful about staying, but given her lack of options, she soon puts it out of her mind and goes back to ignoring the fact that she and Dale have nothing in common but libido.

Suagr and Guillame are playing mini golf, Sugar gigglingly asking the French for "ball" and "hole", while Kim sits by and attempts, without success, to engage in serious conversation about her family life. Kim gets fed up and storms off, which finally gets Sugar's attention and she asks Kim what's up. "Let's just say I'm sick of translating Anglo-French relations!" Kim shouts, keeping up the angry tone despite being clearly aware that that was a truly awful attempt at getting the last word in. Sugar is confused momentarily, then, realising Kim is talking about Guillame, goes back to making googly eyes at him. Kim rolls her eyes and walks off again. Sugar calls her back and at least makes an attempt at listening to Kim at last, while Guillame makes out with her cheek. But it's too little too late, and Kim leaves for real now. Sugar shouts "Who's going to translate for me?" after her, and Kim does much better than her previous attempt by shouting "Translate this! <(in French) Fuck off!>" Sugar and Guillame both look confused.

"Sometimes life throws up unexpected pleasures, but mostly it deals you a pile of shit." Don't you just love emo KimVo? The Daniels family, minus Stella, are gathered in the ForniKitchen. Throughout this scene, Matt mimics everything Nathan and Kim say with the sock puppets on his hands. Nathan dishes up food and tells the kids to tell Stella they had her favourite dessert next time they see her. He's so delightfully petty. Kim asks what the point in that is, and Nathan gets annoyed and puts his hands down on the table, at which point he notices it wobbling. He goes down to try and level it out by sticking paper under the leg, and Matt asks Kim when Stella is coming back. Kim says she doesn't know, and tells Nathan the table has always been like that. He protests that that's no reason not to fix it, and in his frenzied efforts to do so, he manages to knock plates and such off onto the floor. He sits back on his chair, looking dejected, and asks Kim to get him a drink.

Kim, now in her room, reading in bed by torchlight. Matt sits on the floor inspecting her bed and mimics Nathan's "definitely something wrong with this table." Downstairs, Nathan is looking thoroughly worn out, and pours himself a glass of vodka. KimVo explains that the problem with being stuck in the middle is that she can't make anyone happy, least of all herself. Sugar calls her up to ask the French for cunnilingus. Kim says she has no idea and hangs up. Matt asks her if it was Stella that just called. Kim sweetly strokes his hair and tells him to go back to sleep, but also shines her torch in his face. I hate when people do that. KimVo gets all assertive, which happens every week, and it never, ever plays out like she hopes. One day she'll learn. "It was about time someone took control." Demonstration; she phones Sugar and tells her the French for "up the arse" will get her what she wants. Ah, practical jokes on friends. Wacky fun.

Next morning, Kim is all smiles, because she's still having that burst of non-realisation that everything she does is doomed to failure. This lasts all of about five seconds, at which point she goes downstairs to discover that Nathan has apparently stayed up all night trying to level out the wobbly table, and in his efforts to do so, he's sawn the legs off entirely. But hey, it's level now. I call that a success. Matt grimly tells her "we're having a bonfire." He actually acts normal enough to be a believable character in this episode, which is cool. Kim asks Nathan if he's completely lost the plot. He stares at nothing and absently says "It's possible, I suppose." Kim tells Matt to go get his coat, because they're going out, then tells Nathan to get his fucking act together. She's really rather awesome, here.

Over at Dale's Decorating Den, Stella is cooking bacon, ineptly. She tells Dale that as it's their first day together, she thought they could do something special, but he has to leave for work, and doesn't even have time to eat the bacon sandwich she so ineptly made for him. And then the frying pan karmically spits hot fat at her. Ha!

Kim, Matt, Sugar and Guillame are all at a tacky arcade, playing a game where they throw ducks at balloons, and nothing is as it seems. Well, OK, they're throwing softballs at battered tin cans. And everything is as it seems. But... zero out of three ain't bad, right? Anyway, Sugar is telling Kim that she didn't exactly get what she wanted last night, due to Kim's cunning mistranslation, and Kim grins self-satisfactorily, which melts away immediately when Sugar adds "Bloody good though." Kim does not exactly hide her disappointment, but Sugar is too busy watching Guillame to notice. Guillame shouts "Come on, give me a game! I'll whip your butt, but you'll probably like it." Sugar gleefully proclaims him "so cute", and asks Kim to translate. Because Kim just will not learn that honesty is the best policy, she tells Sugar that he said he has to go meet his friends on the other side of town, then tells Guillame that Sugar wants him to go so she can spend some time with Kim. Then, as Guillame says nothing in response, adds "You're a French wanker." Guillame storms off angrily and silently, and Kim tells Sugar that he can't stay as he arranged to meet them earlier, and doesn't have their number. Sugar is somewhat suspicious of Kim's apparent ability to interpret this entirely from body language, but doesn't call her on it.

Kim, Matt and Sugar walking home, Sugar suggests that maybe she hadn't paid enough attention to Guillame. Kim ridicules this suggestion. Sugar asks if he said he'd call and Matt answer "No" and also tells her that Kim told him she needed time alone. OK, I was thinking it was a little implausible that a 15 year old would be as fluent in French as Kim is, but I guess they have family in France or something. Anyway, Kim hurriedly pushes Matt into the house, but it's too late, and Sugar wants to know what the fuck. Kim and Sugar argue their way into the house, but get distracted from it when they find Nathan passed out on the floor with a half empty bottle of vodka. He mutters incomprehensibly to himself. Sugar and Kim carry hm onto the sofa, and Sugar gets back to the argument, pronouncing Guillame as "Gellem", which is kind of funny. Kim wants to know why she's get so worked up over "just a shag", but Sugar claims it was more than that. Kim points out the implausibility of this, since Sugar and Guillame don't even speak the same language, but Sugar continues to insist "he really cared about me." Kim looks perplexed and concerned, until Sugar adds "he was the first person ever to give me an orgasm." Kim and Sugar both laugh as Sugar continues to insist that she is being serious, "These things are important!" Kim, still laughing, apologises for driving him away, and Sugar tells Kim she'll forgive her if she finds Guillame and gets Sugar one more night with him.

So, in some unexplained way, Kim has done just that, and Guillame approaches her sitting on a horse on an unmoving carousel. There's some jaunty French music, in case you'd forgotten about the whole French thing. Also, Kim is wearing far too much eyeshadow. Anyway, Guillame (in French) asks why he should see Sugar again. Kim tries "She's pregnant", which gets a dismissive "it's not mine", then "she's in love with you", to which Guillame arrogantly responds "Of course." Hee hee! It's somehow made all the more hilarious by the fact that he's holding a can of 5 Alive. That just seems totally at odds with the whole suave image he's going for. Also, 5 Alive comes in cans? Huh. So, yeah, Kim finally manages to persuade him to see Sugar again by telling him "You didn't give her an orgasm... she thought it was a French thing." Guillame argues he is a good lover, Kim suggests he was having an off-day. He claims "she sounded like she was having fun", and Kim just gives him a Look. "A French woman would never fake it!" Guillame shouts, getting flustered, "I cannot leave her thinking I am crap in bed!" Kim gives an awesome sarcastic "quelle tragedie" (I'm assuming that needs no translation) and tells him where to find Sugar. "If only the world were as simple as a man's pride" KimVo muses.

And, having solved Sugar's problem, Kim heds to the Decorating Den to deal with Stella. She buzzes the intercom doodad, and tells Stella "it's me." There's a pause, then Stella asks "Who?" Heh. So Stella lets Kim in, pulls her into a tight embrace and hysterically tells her "Thank God you're here! I've been going out of my mind!" Kim rolls her eyes and says "I knew you would be." But, of course, something has to throw Kim's positive action train off the rails every episode, so, as it turns out, Stella is just freaking out because she's screwed up some cooking. KimVo suggests that maybe she's entered "a quantum universe where everything was just a little bit wrong". I could get all uppity about why 'quantum universe' is really not the right thing to say there, but that'd probably just be showing off. So, Stella is telling Kim it took her 5 hours to clean the place, and Kim is all reasoably disbelieving that Stella would do that. "At least here I can be helpful", Stella 'explains', without actually giving any reason why she couldn't be before. I think what she actually means is "here I have to be helpful, because Dale sure isn't". She also tells Kim "I was a terrible mother", which Kim sort of half-heartedly tries to deny, but unsurprisingly doesn't do a great job.

Back in the kitchen (no longer prefixed since Stella has left) Nathan apologises to Kim and Matt for things being "so strange lately" and they get a little positive energy going, all 'let's get back to normal' and it's all looking OK for a few seconds until Nathan starts saying "maybe your mother will...". Well, that one dropped like a lead brick. Tough crowd huh, Nathan? A little later, Kim and Nathan are washing up, and Nathan hesitantly asks how Stella was. Kim, as always, avoids the truth like it's a stuttering butt-monkey stalker and tells him she seemed miserable. Well, the occasional little white lie like that never hurt anyone, right?

Sadly for Sugar, Guillame's on his way back to France. "Farewell, my little whore", he tells her. Kim translates 'whore' as 'angel'. See, the truth there would have just been unnecessary and done no good. A little more mistranslation; "wait until I tell the boys back home about you" becomes "I can't wait for you to meet my family". "I hope I didn't catch anything", Kim doesn't translate at all, just gives a disgusted look, probably thinking of her own experiences in that regard, until Sugar presses her. Kim smiles, and, not actually translating at all, tells her "I love you." Clever. I like that. Then, as Guillame's coach starts to drive away, Kim, pretending to scoff at the very idea, whimsically adds "Guillame also said that he'd really like to see two women kissing." Yeah, no harm in... Uh... Hm. Oh, Kim. Sugar pulls her in for a kiss, Guillame watches wide-eyed, and the camera swirls around and around. That'll end well.

Growing On Me

First sentence in last post still stands.

Sugar Rush Episode 1x04 - "Transmission"

Episode grade: A


Previously: Being a frustrated gay virgin makes Kim consider stupid ideas like date rape, which leads to her almost killing her brother and a "frustratingly platonic" night sharing a bed with Sugar in Paradise.

Open with some random shots of sea and "swim at your own risk" signs and the like, then on to Nathan and Matt in wetsuits and flippers marching, in the penguin-like fashion that people do when wearing flippers, up the beach to their car. Inside, Kim is writing "Sugar ♥" in the condensation on the window, like, great job keeping your lesbian crush a secret there, Kim. Stella is applying make-up. Nathan, who apparently can't read backwards, taps on Kim's window and asks if she isn't coming out. Of the car, that is. Kim ignores him. He moves on to Stella, who opens her window long enough to answer "Mmm... busy." to his "Maybe we could go to the cinema later?", shuts it again and gets out her phone to arrange more adulterous liaisons with Dale. Kim glares at her in the mirror for a while, then notices Matt staring at her window scrawlings and quickly rubs them off. KimVo writes some emo poetry: "There comes a point in life when you have to stop deluding yourself, when you realise that the lies are getting you nowhere, tangling you further in one fucked up, knotted web of deceit". Good stuff.

The way she sees it, there are two options, which will be illustrated by the not-at-all-overused Kim's Fantasy Theatre. Option one; go to Paradise and tell Sugar "I love you." Cue "WTF" reaction from Sugar. Option two; go to Paradise and tell Sugar "It's over between us. We can no longer be friends." Cue "No, Really, WTF" reaction from Sugar. Reality; go to Paradise and find Sugar in bra and rather hideous shiny blue shorts and covered in cream from the waist down. Cue "WTF" reaction from Kim. So, turns out Sugar has crabs. "Sod Darren!" she says, though she doesn't actually know if they came from him; "They don't have nametags." Kim is looking fairly disgusted with the whole thing, which only increases when Kim suggests that it might, in fact, be The Donkey's fault, or indeed Ray the doorman. Sugar eventually finishes ranting and asks Kim why she's there. Kim decides this is probably not the best time for declarations of love, and just says "Oh, nothing" and goes to light a cigarette, which Sugar quickly stops, telling her the cream is flammable. Exit Kim.

Walking home, KimVo reports that the situation makes her uneasy, and Kim decides to look up info on crabs online, discovering to her horror that they can be spread by people sharing the same bed linen. Shots of Kim inspecting herself, and KimVo tells us "Just when you thought life couldn't get any worse, you're a virgin with a sexually transmitted disease." Nathan knocks on her door and tells her supper's ready, so she hurriedly pulls her trousers back on and heads downstairs, but somehow the 'seafood paella' just doesn't look particularly appetising at this point. Nathan calls up to Stella that she should eat now, because "If Elaine's that upset, I doubt she'll be cooking". Kim asks who Elaine is. She is, appraently, a friend Stella met at the gym who's mother has just died, so Stella is going to help her sort through her things. Wearing a pair of Kim's jeans. Nathan offers his condolonces to "Emma" as Stella is about to leave, Stella says "Will do". Nathan realises his mistake just as she leaves, and looks almost suspicious for a second. By the way, so that I don't have to try to find way of saying "that's hilarious", you can pretty much assume I'm constantly laughing from now until I say otherwise.

KimVo tells us "suspicious is not a term you could use to describe Nathan, but even his curiosity was bound to be raised by the sight of his 15 year old daughter doing the washing." Kim fantasy theatres the truth, whole and nothing but, and that horse really has been beaten to a bloody pulp by now. Real Kim goes for angry and rants that someone has to do it because Stella never does anything. Nathan gets pissy at her because Stella is "out helping a friend", and Kim storms off upstairs. She really did a damn good job of making doing washing seem like a perfectly normal teenage activity there. She slumps down on her bed. Sugar is trying to call her, but she ignores it. Nathan continues to shout up the stairs and really doesn't know when to shut up. "You could at least try and [sic] be a little more supportive of your mother! When she's helping someone! ...in their, in their hour of need!"

Cut to Stella, helping Dale in his hour of need. Except, actually, they're just struggling to get Kim's jeans off Stella, which wasn't a remotely predictable punchline, since they played that like the set-up was the punchline. Good job. Dale goes in for the real thing, but soon stops, because they "are not alone"; Stella has crabs too! All the cool kids are doing it. Stella and Dale both blame each other for it, Stella ridicules the suggestion that they came from Nathan, Dale pulls the front of his boxers out and points out that he doesn't have any. Stella tries to claim that doesn't mean anything, as "they're like nits. They like hair that's clean." She exits to go to the chemist, leaving Dale to pay for the hotel room. He sits down on the bed in anger, then quickly jumps up and starts patting himself down.

Cut to Kim retrieving her washing and turning around to find Stella about to put her own load on. Kim and Stella both look mightily suspicious of each other. There's a quick flashback to Kim asking Stella if those are her jeans she's wearing so the slower viewers can figure out exactly what's going on. Nathan is utterly perplexed to find Stella also about to do some washing and asks what the hell is going on, but interrupts himself to tell Stella "Cotton's on D." Stella angrily tells him she knows how the washing machine works, then immediately kicks it, shouting "Work, you bloody thing!" She storms upstair with no word of explanation to Nathan, who continues to look confused and asks "How was Elaine?"

Upstairs, Kim and Stella give each other shifty glances in the hallway, then barricade the doors to their respective rooms and set to applying cream. They exit simultaneously, both walking like penguins in spite of a total lack of flippers.

Living room, ridiculous only-on-TV coincidence #2908: There's a documentary about crabs (regular kind, not pubic) on TV! Kim and Stella both look miserable. Nathan asks if they can smell something. They give simultaneous answers, and I can't tell if they're contradictory or not. Stella definitely says "hair remover", but she's a lot louder, so I can't make out Kim's answer at all. Anyway, shifty glances all round.

Back upstairs, Stella, scratching herself furiously, goes to Kim's room for another "Can we talk?" Stella babbles that she couldn't help noticing downstairs and with the washing and so on, and both, understandably, look incredibly uncomfortable. KimVo is all 'oh god, oh god, stay calm, don't give anything away', but totally changes her tune when Stella says "Oh god, what have I done?" Stella takes a loooooooong time to get the point: in spite of earlier evidence to the contrary, she assumes the crab spreading is Dale's fault. "This was turning into a very interesting situation," KimVo says, and I couldn't agree more. The plot of this episode is so very awesome. Kim keeps an excellent poker face throughout Stella's explanation, and, as Stella is explaining that the crabs are treatable, Kim finally decides to put her out of her misery a little by saying "Already have." More uncomfortable silence, then Stella pleadingly asks "You won't tell your dad?". Kim, in an awesome haughty tone tells her "You're to stop borrowing my things. They look fat on you anyway." And also, Stella has to stop seeing Dale. Stella tries to hug her, but Kim gives a disgusted face and pulls away, and Stella exits, tail between her legs.

The whole family are gathered in the ForniKitchen, Stella retrieving her washing, Kim in pyjamas with a cup of tea, Matt giving a barbie doll a haircut and Nathan doing ironing, can't stop itching. Ruh-roh! Kim and Stella give each other a look, and Kim approaches Nathan and says "Dad?" Music stops. Stella holds her breath. So do I. "Night," Kim says. Nathan smiles.

And now the laughter stops. Kim is tossing and turning in her bed, there's an appropriately timed thunderstorm and we can hear Nathan and Stella arguing. Matt holds up some creepy dolls with tribal markings painted on them. Then Kim is sitting on the bed with her arm around him, and we cut to the argument in progress; Nathan yells "The evidence is crawling all over me, they're crabs, Stella! Pubic lice! Passed on through sexual contact!" Stella tries to claim they could be scabies, and that he "might have picked them up at the office, or on the bus", and tells him to keep his voice down when he shouts her down. Nathan says "You're the only person I've slept with in 18 years, now could you please tell me what is going on here?" Stella starts to answer, then pauses as they notice Kim standing in the doorway. Stella realises the jig is up and comes clean with him. "I've been seeing.. sleeping with someone else. Dale." Nathan is all "No please, please no. Not him. Not the decorator." Like it would be so much better if it was a total stranger or something. It's one those really odd things to take significance that really gets to you, you know? Kim stands in the doorway looking forlorn. Matt sits on the stairs, much the same.

KimVo tells us she'd promised herself she wouldn't see Sugar until she was ready to admit her true feelings, but "right now, she was the only person I want to see." Kim cries, and again I must mention how awesome Olivia Hallinan is. Sugar offers hugs, then Tango, Pro Plus and vodka. She is a wise, wise girl. Well, I wouldn't have picked Tango, but that's splitting hairs. Kim notices the two boquets of flowers and giant teddy bear that have appeared in Paradise, and asks what's with that. The flowers came from Ray and The Donkey, after Sugar made them feel guilty for "spreading filth onto an underage girl" and threatened to tell the police. The bear came from Daz. "Probably won it on the pier, the cheap git. If he don't do better, next time, he's finished." This gets Kim laughing a little. KimVo tell us "Sugar was still totally shameless" and that it didn't occur to her that Kim's family crisis was totally her fault. Sugar laughs about the idea of a virgin with an STD and says "It's always the same with you, innit, Kim? All the pain without the pleasure." Then she notices Kim scratching herself, and rolleyeingly tells her she obviously didn't do a good job applying the cream, and insists on giving Kim a second helping herself. Kim, unsurprisingly, raises no objections. Camera moves away and watches Kim's clothes get thrown across the room as an acousticy, female singery cover of Teenage Kicks plays us out. You can tell this episode was great because for the first time, I wrote the whole recap at once (aside from a few final draft changes, like the addition of this sentence) without taking any breaks.