Frenchy, I'm Faking

Sugar Rush Episode 1x05 - "In The Middle"

Episode grade: B+


Previously: Everybody had crabs, and it was awesome.

Now: Look at the pretty beach! Isn't it pretty! Look at Kim, staring moodily out to sea! Isn't she pretty! Also, some French guy is singing something French. KimVo, in subtitled French, tells us she's caught in the middle of an impossible situation.

ForniKitchen. Nathan is kicking Stella out of the house, Stella is alternately sarcastic and whiny. She has nowhere to go, Nathan doesn't care. It descends into trading insults, and Kim bursts up from her seat, yelling "For fuck's sake, shut up!" Stella and Nathan both berate her for shouting and swearing. They've done that one before, but it's still fairly amusing.

And now Stella and Nathan are not talking each other, and have fallen back on the old failsafe of sending messages to each other through their daughter. So, to decongest sentences in this recap, I'll be using "kim" as a verb. Of course, that won't work later when she starts mistranslating, but it'll do for now. Nathan kims that he wants Stella to get out by five. Stella claims he won't be able to manage without her. Nathan quite rightly ridicules this; "There'd be no one to, ooh, let me see, fill up the ashtrays and drink champagne!" He kims that she's made a mockery of the marriage. Stella gives this a hard "Fine!", and promptly bursts into tears. Kim asks Nathan, who is chopping vegetables of some kind "So you won't change your mind?" He turns around, weilding a knife and looking positively psychotic. And immediately dissolves this image by sincerely asking "Do you think I should?" Stella, in hysterics, now in Kim's room. Kim comforts her, incredibly awkwardly. "Everything's going to change!" Stella cries. KimVo agrees.

Cut to Stella being taxied away, Kim and Nathan looking on. Presumably Matt is busy killing hamsters on the moon right now. Nathan shouts a sarcastic "Have fun!" and tells Kim to inform Stella he wants her stuff out by Friday. KimVo tells us she's been so busy telling everyone what everyone else thinks, she forgot to tell them to sod off. That doesn't actually make sense, KimVo. What you mean is "I didn't have the courage to tell them to sod off."

Kim tries to get away from it all, but finds herself stuck relaying messages again, this time between Sugar, who doesn't speak French and her new French boyfriend Guillame, who doesn't speak English, but has probably appeared in a shampoo advert at some point in his career. Flashback to Sugar and Guillame about to get it on. Kimvo explains that they don't need a lot of words, but the odd one or two were helpful. Sugar asks Guillame if he has a condom, and does the oh so helpful talk loud and slow at foreigners thing. Guillame says some stuff, but there's no subtitles, and I got a D in my French AS level. Back to the present. Guillame brings ice creams, and asks if Sugar wants vanilla or strawberry. Kim doesn't bother asking and claims the strawberry for herself. You'd think they'd have decided what they wanted before sending him to buy them, but I guess maybe he went before Kim arrived? But since Sugar and Kim's conversation made it clear this was the first time Kim met him, how would he know she was coming? Back on Me Not Overthinking Things, Guillame and Sugar seductively lick their ice creams at each other, while Kim looks gleeful about her cunning acquisition of the strawberry cone.

Later, Sugar and Guillame feed each other chips, and Kim watches them, looking annoyed, because chips don't come in strawberry. Sugar kims that she had a really good time last night, and asks what Guillame is doing later. Kim is annoyed, because Sugar had already made plans with her. Sugar is oblivious to Kim, as ever, and says "Maybe we could get to know each other better", which Kim translates as "She wants to shag you again". In response, Guillame kisses her hand. Sugar giggles and says "He's such a gentleman", which is, of course, an ironic segue to Guillame's "Tell her I like it doggy style." Kim takes out her frustration at the situation on her cigarette.

Ooh, a new set! It's a crappy little appartment, with empty beer cans and pizza boxes and the like lying all over the floor. And also paint tins. Stella, bags in hands, appraises the room and tells Dale "Now I know why we always met in hotels." Dale confidently says "Because it's dirty and sleazy." Our survey says "EH-UH!!" Dale looks offended at Stella's suggestion that his place is a mess, and asks "You're not going to be a nightmare, are you?" Oh, I thought you guys had met. Stella looks a little doubtful about staying, but given her lack of options, she soon puts it out of her mind and goes back to ignoring the fact that she and Dale have nothing in common but libido.

Suagr and Guillame are playing mini golf, Sugar gigglingly asking the French for "ball" and "hole", while Kim sits by and attempts, without success, to engage in serious conversation about her family life. Kim gets fed up and storms off, which finally gets Sugar's attention and she asks Kim what's up. "Let's just say I'm sick of translating Anglo-French relations!" Kim shouts, keeping up the angry tone despite being clearly aware that that was a truly awful attempt at getting the last word in. Sugar is confused momentarily, then, realising Kim is talking about Guillame, goes back to making googly eyes at him. Kim rolls her eyes and walks off again. Sugar calls her back and at least makes an attempt at listening to Kim at last, while Guillame makes out with her cheek. But it's too little too late, and Kim leaves for real now. Sugar shouts "Who's going to translate for me?" after her, and Kim does much better than her previous attempt by shouting "Translate this! <(in French) Fuck off!>" Sugar and Guillame both look confused.

"Sometimes life throws up unexpected pleasures, but mostly it deals you a pile of shit." Don't you just love emo KimVo? The Daniels family, minus Stella, are gathered in the ForniKitchen. Throughout this scene, Matt mimics everything Nathan and Kim say with the sock puppets on his hands. Nathan dishes up food and tells the kids to tell Stella they had her favourite dessert next time they see her. He's so delightfully petty. Kim asks what the point in that is, and Nathan gets annoyed and puts his hands down on the table, at which point he notices it wobbling. He goes down to try and level it out by sticking paper under the leg, and Matt asks Kim when Stella is coming back. Kim says she doesn't know, and tells Nathan the table has always been like that. He protests that that's no reason not to fix it, and in his frenzied efforts to do so, he manages to knock plates and such off onto the floor. He sits back on his chair, looking dejected, and asks Kim to get him a drink.

Kim, now in her room, reading in bed by torchlight. Matt sits on the floor inspecting her bed and mimics Nathan's "definitely something wrong with this table." Downstairs, Nathan is looking thoroughly worn out, and pours himself a glass of vodka. KimVo explains that the problem with being stuck in the middle is that she can't make anyone happy, least of all herself. Sugar calls her up to ask the French for cunnilingus. Kim says she has no idea and hangs up. Matt asks her if it was Stella that just called. Kim sweetly strokes his hair and tells him to go back to sleep, but also shines her torch in his face. I hate when people do that. KimVo gets all assertive, which happens every week, and it never, ever plays out like she hopes. One day she'll learn. "It was about time someone took control." Demonstration; she phones Sugar and tells her the French for "up the arse" will get her what she wants. Ah, practical jokes on friends. Wacky fun.

Next morning, Kim is all smiles, because she's still having that burst of non-realisation that everything she does is doomed to failure. This lasts all of about five seconds, at which point she goes downstairs to discover that Nathan has apparently stayed up all night trying to level out the wobbly table, and in his efforts to do so, he's sawn the legs off entirely. But hey, it's level now. I call that a success. Matt grimly tells her "we're having a bonfire." He actually acts normal enough to be a believable character in this episode, which is cool. Kim asks Nathan if he's completely lost the plot. He stares at nothing and absently says "It's possible, I suppose." Kim tells Matt to go get his coat, because they're going out, then tells Nathan to get his fucking act together. She's really rather awesome, here.

Over at Dale's Decorating Den, Stella is cooking bacon, ineptly. She tells Dale that as it's their first day together, she thought they could do something special, but he has to leave for work, and doesn't even have time to eat the bacon sandwich she so ineptly made for him. And then the frying pan karmically spits hot fat at her. Ha!

Kim, Matt, Sugar and Guillame are all at a tacky arcade, playing a game where they throw ducks at balloons, and nothing is as it seems. Well, OK, they're throwing softballs at battered tin cans. And everything is as it seems. But... zero out of three ain't bad, right? Anyway, Sugar is telling Kim that she didn't exactly get what she wanted last night, due to Kim's cunning mistranslation, and Kim grins self-satisfactorily, which melts away immediately when Sugar adds "Bloody good though." Kim does not exactly hide her disappointment, but Sugar is too busy watching Guillame to notice. Guillame shouts "Come on, give me a game! I'll whip your butt, but you'll probably like it." Sugar gleefully proclaims him "so cute", and asks Kim to translate. Because Kim just will not learn that honesty is the best policy, she tells Sugar that he said he has to go meet his friends on the other side of town, then tells Guillame that Sugar wants him to go so she can spend some time with Kim. Then, as Guillame says nothing in response, adds "You're a French wanker." Guillame storms off angrily and silently, and Kim tells Sugar that he can't stay as he arranged to meet them earlier, and doesn't have their number. Sugar is somewhat suspicious of Kim's apparent ability to interpret this entirely from body language, but doesn't call her on it.

Kim, Matt and Sugar walking home, Sugar suggests that maybe she hadn't paid enough attention to Guillame. Kim ridicules this suggestion. Sugar asks if he said he'd call and Matt answer "No" and also tells her that Kim told him she needed time alone. OK, I was thinking it was a little implausible that a 15 year old would be as fluent in French as Kim is, but I guess they have family in France or something. Anyway, Kim hurriedly pushes Matt into the house, but it's too late, and Sugar wants to know what the fuck. Kim and Sugar argue their way into the house, but get distracted from it when they find Nathan passed out on the floor with a half empty bottle of vodka. He mutters incomprehensibly to himself. Sugar and Kim carry hm onto the sofa, and Sugar gets back to the argument, pronouncing Guillame as "Gellem", which is kind of funny. Kim wants to know why she's get so worked up over "just a shag", but Sugar claims it was more than that. Kim points out the implausibility of this, since Sugar and Guillame don't even speak the same language, but Sugar continues to insist "he really cared about me." Kim looks perplexed and concerned, until Sugar adds "he was the first person ever to give me an orgasm." Kim and Sugar both laugh as Sugar continues to insist that she is being serious, "These things are important!" Kim, still laughing, apologises for driving him away, and Sugar tells Kim she'll forgive her if she finds Guillame and gets Sugar one more night with him.

So, in some unexplained way, Kim has done just that, and Guillame approaches her sitting on a horse on an unmoving carousel. There's some jaunty French music, in case you'd forgotten about the whole French thing. Also, Kim is wearing far too much eyeshadow. Anyway, Guillame (in French) asks why he should see Sugar again. Kim tries "She's pregnant", which gets a dismissive "it's not mine", then "she's in love with you", to which Guillame arrogantly responds "Of course." Hee hee! It's somehow made all the more hilarious by the fact that he's holding a can of 5 Alive. That just seems totally at odds with the whole suave image he's going for. Also, 5 Alive comes in cans? Huh. So, yeah, Kim finally manages to persuade him to see Sugar again by telling him "You didn't give her an orgasm... she thought it was a French thing." Guillame argues he is a good lover, Kim suggests he was having an off-day. He claims "she sounded like she was having fun", and Kim just gives him a Look. "A French woman would never fake it!" Guillame shouts, getting flustered, "I cannot leave her thinking I am crap in bed!" Kim gives an awesome sarcastic "quelle tragedie" (I'm assuming that needs no translation) and tells him where to find Sugar. "If only the world were as simple as a man's pride" KimVo muses.

And, having solved Sugar's problem, Kim heds to the Decorating Den to deal with Stella. She buzzes the intercom doodad, and tells Stella "it's me." There's a pause, then Stella asks "Who?" Heh. So Stella lets Kim in, pulls her into a tight embrace and hysterically tells her "Thank God you're here! I've been going out of my mind!" Kim rolls her eyes and says "I knew you would be." But, of course, something has to throw Kim's positive action train off the rails every episode, so, as it turns out, Stella is just freaking out because she's screwed up some cooking. KimVo suggests that maybe she's entered "a quantum universe where everything was just a little bit wrong". I could get all uppity about why 'quantum universe' is really not the right thing to say there, but that'd probably just be showing off. So, Stella is telling Kim it took her 5 hours to clean the place, and Kim is all reasoably disbelieving that Stella would do that. "At least here I can be helpful", Stella 'explains', without actually giving any reason why she couldn't be before. I think what she actually means is "here I have to be helpful, because Dale sure isn't". She also tells Kim "I was a terrible mother", which Kim sort of half-heartedly tries to deny, but unsurprisingly doesn't do a great job.

Back in the kitchen (no longer prefixed since Stella has left) Nathan apologises to Kim and Matt for things being "so strange lately" and they get a little positive energy going, all 'let's get back to normal' and it's all looking OK for a few seconds until Nathan starts saying "maybe your mother will...". Well, that one dropped like a lead brick. Tough crowd huh, Nathan? A little later, Kim and Nathan are washing up, and Nathan hesitantly asks how Stella was. Kim, as always, avoids the truth like it's a stuttering butt-monkey stalker and tells him she seemed miserable. Well, the occasional little white lie like that never hurt anyone, right?

Sadly for Sugar, Guillame's on his way back to France. "Farewell, my little whore", he tells her. Kim translates 'whore' as 'angel'. See, the truth there would have just been unnecessary and done no good. A little more mistranslation; "wait until I tell the boys back home about you" becomes "I can't wait for you to meet my family". "I hope I didn't catch anything", Kim doesn't translate at all, just gives a disgusted look, probably thinking of her own experiences in that regard, until Sugar presses her. Kim smiles, and, not actually translating at all, tells her "I love you." Clever. I like that. Then, as Guillame's coach starts to drive away, Kim, pretending to scoff at the very idea, whimsically adds "Guillame also said that he'd really like to see two women kissing." Yeah, no harm in... Uh... Hm. Oh, Kim. Sugar pulls her in for a kiss, Guillame watches wide-eyed, and the camera swirls around and around. That'll end well.