Nine Tenths Of The Lore

Hex Episode 1x04 - "Possession"

Episode grade: A-


Previously: Lesbian ghosts, repeating history, and the bloodshot eyes of demonic possession.

Now: Thelma's sitting alone in the cafeteria again, when she hears some music playing in the distance. She stalks carefully towards it, and you'd think that sooner or later she'd pick up on the fact that NO ONE CAN SEE OR HEAR HER. Anyway, it's sort of jazzy or swingy or some other such genre of music that I am none too knowledgable about. Someone's singing "Close your eyes, pretending we're just counting sheep" and the like, camera pans across a room full of people in fancy ballgowns and those glittery eye-mask things to show that it's Rupert. Someone smokes a cigarette with one of those absurd cigarette holders that I just can't see any purpose to whatsoever, and a couple of women stare at Thelma, one smiling flirtatiously, one glaring angrily. These two women then commence making out with each other. I seriously do not have the slightest clue what the fuck is going on here. From the look on her face, neither does Thelma. Hey, there's Azazeal! And, next to him, all dressed up to the point where I barely recognise her, Cassie. Who kisses the girl on her left, then turns and kisses Azazeal. It's all very arty and weird, so I'm going to go ahead and assume it's a dream sequence. Cassie, now looking more like herself, opens her eyes to Thelma's lips right in her face saying "Sweet dreams?" So, yeah, dream sequence. Although it really seemed like it would have been Thelma's. "Yeah, until you appeared," Cassie bitchily replies, then lights a cigarette so she can hold the lighter to her face and show off her bloodshot eyes, in case we'd forgotten what happened last week, and also five minutes ago in the previouslies. Thanks for looking out for your goldfish viewers. Thelma looks surprised, so apparently she's one of them. Credits.

Cassie walks down the stairs to the locker room, hair all coiiffed up weirdly and ridiculous amounts of gold eyeshadow applied to, again, remind the goldfish that she's not herself. Troy approaches for makeouts while the Trio of Suck exchange glances. Bitchily. Troy apologises because he apparently has to take Cassie out for drinks with the Trio of Suck later, but he promises to take her straight home. Hint hint. Cassie tells him she has better things to do, Troy's like "WTF", Cassie teasingly tells him that of course she wants to see him; "I want to see all of you. Just... not any time soon." then wanders off so the Trio of Suck can bitchily admire her attempt to usurp their role.

In their room, Thelma sits looking concerned about the whole possession thing while Cassie tries on clothes. "You'd have me, wouldn't you?" Cassie asks her. Thelma says "I'm not sure, you look... you like you're after something". Tactful! Cassie puts on a mock surprised tone and says "Really?" Thelma digs herself deeper into more hot water in her attempts to disguise the fact that she's fully aware that Cassie's possessed, presumably; "I mean, it's very sexy, it's just not you." Cassie, of course, asks "You don't think I'm sexy?" Thelma's just like "Fuck it" and shuts up altogether. Cassie taunts her some about how she wishes she could touch Cassie again then leaves to "Nowhere [Thelma] would fit in".

Which, as it turns out, is a bar where everyone appears to be groping each other at random and everything is covered in horribly neon lights. Fine. Cassie struts up to the bar and orders straight vodka, and Azazeal stalks up to her. And, oh man, he's smiling. That just does not look right. He tells her he wasn't sure she'd come, she replies "How could I resist?" and he matter of factly says "That's true." Heh. Cassie asks if he doesn't get bored playing the same game, different women for 300 years. No, no he doesn't. Azazeal blathers once again all "This is your destiny" and "You don't have to believe it", so Cassie's like "OK, I won't." I'm going to go ahead and start calling Possesed!Cassie "Sassie", OK? So, Sassie asks just what exactly he did to her mother, "She's completely in awe of you." Azazeal tells her "We had some good times together" and Sassie pretends to be grossed out even though she's possessed and thusly does not give a shit and says "Too much information", which, a) YOU FUCKING ASKED HIM THE QUESTION and b) THAT WAS NO FUCKING INFORMATION WHATSOEVER ANYWAY. Shut up, Sassie. Azazeal tells her the necklace her mother gave her looks good on her. Sassie points out that this is a lame chat-up line, Azazeal claims it works, Sassie suggests it only does so "on a certain type of woman. You'll have to try harder with me." Azazeal leans in for a kiss and asks why she doesn't just give into the inevitable. She teasingly tells him "You know what, I don't think I can" and walks off. Azazeal watches her leave and smiles ruefully.

Back in her dark, lonely cafeteria, Thelma's apparently stolen the key to the vending machine so she can get food from it. I'm glad I don't have to keep wondering where the hell she's getting money from. She's startled by a creaking door behind her, and watches a woman walk through the cafeteria, paying no attention to Thelma, obviously. She follows her, and again we can here Rupert singing the same song. Someone walks through a door in front of her, so Thelma, startled, quickly drops her packet of crisps and hides behind a pillar. Her continuous inability to remember that no one can see or hear her is starting to become pretty hilarious, now. Oh, wait, bad lighting strikes again; it was Sassie, who actually can see her. Dropping the crisp packet was nonetheless funny, and would surely draw a lot more attention to her either way.

Rupert (by the way, it's the fourth episode now, and I still have no idea what his actual name is) and Jenny walk along a path outside. He asks if she'd be upset if he said she was fired due to staff cutbacks, she's like "Duh." He asks if she'd be pleased then, ifhe said she could keep her job by spending her Christmas at the school. Heh. Yeah, the best way to deliver bad news is to deliver fake worse news first so the real bad news looks like good news. I forget exactly where I learned that, but it's an excellent sentiment, anyway. Rupert further entices her by pointing out that Cassie will be there. "And your boyfriend?" he asks rather nosily. "No, he no longer exists," Jenny replies. "Turned out to be an arsehole." And also, not a young demonically possessed blonde girl, I presume. Rupert spots Sassie walking opposite and darts away so he can be the one to start interfering in her business this time. "You look like you had a good evening" he intrudes. Sassie agrees, though she's "wearing the scars this morning." Doesn't look like it. "Still, you can't have pleasure without pain," she adds, and Rupert's like "Woah," and Sassie continues "You should try it some time." Rupert's even more like "WOAH." and he stammers "I don't think the governer's would approve," which Sassie tells him is "all the more reason to do it," with a sultry wink as she slinks off. Rupert's head actually explodes. Well, no, OK, he just gives a hilarious eyebrow raise and stares at her. But that's "enigmatic headmaster" for exploding head, I'm telling you.

Library. Sassie's at a computer, Thelma's doing a pretty good job right now of pretending she suspects nothing as she asks Sassie what she got up to last night. Sassie says "It's not so much 'what' as 'who'" and tells her "You know how I get when I've drunk too much." "Sick?" says Thelma. Heh. Sassie starts going into great detail, but then notices Thelma's "Oh fucking god I cannot keep pretending I don't know she's so totally possessed when she's being so obvious about it" look, takes it for jealousy and says "I guess you don't want to know" and leaves. Thelma looks like Cassie apparently does when she's drunk too much.

Common Room. Troy's smile totally vanishes when Sassie comes in and he tells her he stopped by her room last night and she wasn't there, which is a little suspicious considering she said she was staying in, so what's the deal? Sassie gets right up in his face and asks "Do you think I was with another man? Do you think you don't satisfy me?" Oh man. Troy, concerned, tells her no, so she tells him to "apologise for being such a stalker." Troy starts to see the funny side a little and smiles as he submissively does so, but then brings back the concern and asks "We cool?" Sassie leans towards him a little, then walks off without actually answering. You know, maybe I should be calling her "Cassius". Yeah, it's a Buffy thing.

The Trio of Suck walk down a corridor pointing out the obvious; Sassie is totally leading Troy on evilly, and they can't help but be impressed. Leon suggests that this makes it the perfect time for Gemma to "swoop in and save him", Roxy notes that it's "a bit weird" that "a few days ago she was this hapless virgin, now she's a total whore." Leon says "I like it," (DUH.) "It's kind of like having our own Britney Spears", which, what the hell, that was actually funny. I'm scared and confused. Gemma opines that Cassie "used to be nice. Boring, but nice." I still hate her, so we are not entirely in Bizarro World. Roxy suggests that Gemma could learn something from Sassie, Leon agrees; "Like, not to be so desperate." OK, they're abusing Gemma. I guess that explains why I'm not thoroughly despising them right now. They continue to do so, sarcasming that her concern for Troy is totally all about 'just being a good friend', I'm sure. Gemma complains that Troy seems to be totally in love with Cassie, despite her being a total bitch. I'd have thought Gemma would be pleased that he liked that kind of thing. Roxy adds that what's worse is "she's really enjoying it."

On a path outside, Jenny approaches Sassie. Oh, this is going to be fun. Jenny asks if Sassie's had any thoughts about what she wants to do next term, because she was thinking about putting her in for an English module on "Women in love; romantic heroines through the ages". Sassie gives a disgusted look at this. Jenny says "It's either that or Milton, Sassie, thoroughly bored, relents to the former. Business out of the way, Jenny gets down to why she actually wanted to talk to her; "So, David says you're staying here over Christmas?" He has a name! But, yeah, it's been too long. I'm too used to calling him Rupert by now. I'm sure you knew that would happen. Sassie gives an affirmativ sound. Jenny is a little confused; "Surely they'll let you mum out of hospital?" Sassie tells her "I don't really want to spend my time feeding turkey to a vegetable." Bwah! Jenny gives her a "WTF" look. "So tell me," Sassie continues, "These women in love; are they actually going to do anything? Because supressed desire is all well and good, but it's a bit boring without any action." She takes Jenny's arm and goes in for the kill; "Maybe we should just read some of your erotic stories instead." Hee hee hee. I am really enjoying this. Cassie should get possessed more often.

Night time exterior shot, voiceovered by, I think Roxy, but possibly Gemma asking "So, you have a large penis, but a hairy back, and every time you wax your back, your penis shrinks. What do you do?" Is that even a question? I mean, really. So, yeah, camera jumps inside now, where Sassie and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalame are playing Truth or Dare, in... someone's room. Not Cassie's. Leon's turn; "How old was the oldest woman you've slept with." Leon offers to do two dares rather than answer, but that is not in the rules, dude. He continues to protest, so Roxy tells him his forfeit will be to kiss Troy then. Troy's like "Mate, answer the question, come on!", but his heart really doesn't sound in it. And frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if Leon was happy to do so, either. But anyway, he does decide to answer; "It was a friend of my mother's." Sassie presses for the answer to the actual question, Leon continues to evade with "Old enough to know what to do." so they threaten to all get up and leave if he doesn't answer, so he does; "Fifty... four." and also, "But, she'd had plenty of plastic surgery", which apparently makes it better. Leon is so gross. Thelma stands in the doorway, spying and looking upset. Sassie takes a dare, which is to "pick a victim and put one of your body parts into theirs." So she goes to kiss Troy, turns away at the last second and crawls over to stick her tongue down Leon's throat. Roxy stares like "Dude." Troy stares like "For fuck's sake", Gemma gives Troy an apologetic look. Troy basically tells them to all fuck off, so I guess it's his room. Which, wait, is also Leon's room, so why is he leaving? Oh, so Sassie can totally have sex with him in a shower. OK. Well, Thelma's having none of that, so she turns all the cold taps on in the sinks to make the water in the shower come out too hot and put them off, which works, as Leon apparently assumes this is Sassie's doing, so he tells her she's crazy and runs off. Sassie is obviously suspicious of the magically turning on taps, but doesn't notice Thelma hiding in a different shower.

Same bathroom, Thelma sits in a toilet ranting on the phone about how mean Sassie is, and how totally possessed she is and how Thelma needs to totally electrocute her to snap her out of it because that's what Cassie "always" did that one time, and WHO THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING TO?

Thelma is buying from the vending machine again. I just cannot be bothered. Someone walks past, presumably the same woman as before, Thelma again follows, looking puzzled. She goes into the library, where the woman is inspecting a stone slab with carvings of some kind on it. The woman notices her and asks if she's come to look at the slab. Zwuh? "Because let me tell you now, I haven't spent the last 80 years working on this inscription for some pert-breasted bunty to come and solve it all in a second." Oh right, she's a ghost too. Of course. "OK..." says Thelma, which is about the only thing you can do in this kind of situation. "OK? What does that mean?" the woman asks. "OK, I won't solve it?" Thelma suggests, which brightens the other up considerably. She introduces herself, but talks too fast or too weird for me to entirely understand her. I think her name is Pippi? Maybe? Anyway, it's nice that they at least made an attempt to tell me her name. I appreciat the effort. Also, she is a "full-time esyptologist, part time suffragette." She shakes Thelma's hand and Thelma, in awe, says "We can touch each other." Pippi's all "Steady on, I should at least know your name." I think I like her. Thelma introduces herself, Pippi tells her she died in 1928, her father owned the place then and "I'd like to say he caught me with the scullery maid, but actually it was the flu. How about you?" "I was ritualistically sacrificed by a fallen angel." "Ah, the flu too, eh?" Yeah, I like her. Thelma really likes her, too. Pippi, despite being all defensive about it two seconds ago, bring Thelma over to the slab and explains what exposition she can translate thus far; it's a funeral inscription for someone named Herath, daughter of the pharoah, but there's one name she can't work out, it seems to say Azazeal, which isn't very Egyptian at all. I have no idea how hyroglyphics actually work, but, is it remotely plausible that they'd have a way of writing Azazeal despite that not sounding Egyptian at all? That's not rhetorical, if you can answer, please do so. Thelma tells her "Actually, I may be able to help you." And, shockingly, we're actually spared her doing so. Hooray!

Jenny gives the class homework over Christmas; watch one film and write a review. Troy looks thoroughly pissed, Leon at least has the good grace to look guilty. Leon tells him he has to end it with Cassie, Troy tersely tells him it's not that simple. Leon's like "It's not my fault, I was drunk". Troy points out how lame an excuse that is, sarcastically tells him to "have a nice Christmas, mate" and runs off to chase Sassie. Leon again looks guilty. I'll tell you why I'm not despising him so much now; that's a second dimension to his character! Hooray!

Troy catches up with Sassie, who gives "Right"s to the following; "Leon reckons that you were trying to get off with him." Oh, yeah, trying. Whatever, Leon. "He says you lost the plot." Then to "I don't want to believe him, I mean, it doesn't sound like you." Sassie asks "So, what's the problem?" Troy tells her "I just need to know, is it true?" Sassie just says nothing, so Troy's all "Maybe we should call it a day." Sassie shrugs and tells him "OK, if that's what you want" and he continues to be confused and infuriated. Hooray! Alright, I'll stop that now.

More Wacky, Wacky Hijinks music as we watch Thelma's backside wiggling about under a desk. She's fiddling around with the electrics. She hears Sassie coming in, and quickly gets up, bashing her head on the desk in the process. Sassie suspiciously asks what she's doing, Thelma guiltily says "nothing." Sassie just takes it as more of Thelma's usual weirdness, which is kind of funny, and shrugs. She walks out again, and Thelma immediately goes back to what she was doing.

Later, Sassie comes back from a shower saying "I wish I had an ensuite, it's like living in Auschwitz." Dude. Thelma quite hilariously holds an upside down magazine to her face, very blatantly watching Sassie over the top of it. I'm fully aware that that is not a remotely original joke; the hilarity comes from the fact that Thelma apparently thinks Sassie would find it more suspicious if she wasn't trying to disguise the fact that she was watching her. Sassie drips ominously on the floor, plugs in a hairdryer, flips the switch and... cuts off the power to the entire building. Thelma runs up to her all "Don't worry, Cassie, it's all right, it's probably just a power cut." Sassie looks at her, like, "Thanks, Captain Obvious." Thelma lights a cigarette lighter right in her face to check for bloodshot eyes, which are still present. Sassie asks what she's doing, Thelma lamely claims "I... thought you had a spider in your hair." but fortunately Sassie is slightly distracted from the total lameness of this claim by, I guess backup power kicking in. She does, nonetheless, tell Thelma that she is sometimes a total freak.

Azazeal silhouettically hangs around by the Hanging Tree. That's... not why it's called that, dude. Oh, he's managed to find a thin strip of light that actually lines up with his eyes this time. Good work!

And now he's inside. Ominous Descend Piano Notes of Ominousness play as he walks past the camera, which ignores him to slowly zoom in on a mirror, in which, after a couple of seconds pass, we can see him walk up the stairs. It's an effect that does a reasonably good job of distracting from the fact that we've just spent, like, ten seconds watching someone WALK AROUND.

Sassie wakes up, and there's Azazeal, sitting on a chair, watching her. Because he is a creepy, creepy motherfucker. More creepy; he tells her "I missed you." Sassie smiles and tells him maybe he should call, suggest a drink... So, Azazeal offers her his hipflask of brandy. Sassie gets out of bed, puts on a dressing gown and asks if he was planning to watch her all night. "Yes," he shrugs. But actually, it appears he's planning to start speechifying about how Sassie loves it when she knows it's wrong, but does it anyway, and how women are all the same and other such chauvinistery. He also tells her she's hardly innocent; "You broke that poor boy's heart", so that Sassie can lamely segue into to asking who his last true love was. She suggests Rachel, then the woman he made the pendant for; "Herath," he says. I'm not sure if that's the answer to the original question or if he's just telling Sassie who he made the pendant for, either way, "it wasn't meant to be." Sassie is sorry, Azazeal tells her not to worry; "I've had therapy." Ha! More creepsome music starts to kiss in as he gets up to go sit beside her and tells her "They'll never be another man who waits 250 years for you". Ech. And then they kiss. And there's some nice "la la la la" music, and then Azazeal leaves, smiling.

Next day. Sassie watches Troy get in his car and drive away. He does not look happy, obviously. Thelma tries to sound cheery telling her it's just the two of them and they can have a quiet Christmas together. Sassie gives her a Look and tells her to just ask what she wants to ask. Thelma's like, "Buh?", Sassie tells her straight up, she's been seeing Azazeal, she intends to continue to do so, she doesn't care what Thelma thinks. But she does care enough to try to convince Thelma that they might have misjudged him; Thelma's like "I've got a FATAL KNIFE WOUND IN MY GUT says we didn't." Sassie tells her she's just jealous. All things considered, that is pretty hilarious. Thelma skulks off angrily, Sassie gives her an eye-rolling "Bye."

Tacky neon bar. Azazeal sits with a floozy on each arm, looking more like Baltar than ever. He makes out with them a little, then goes over to Sassie, who's waiting by the bar. Sassie does not care at all about the floozies. She asks what it's like being him, he is an arrogant son of a bitch answering; "The trouble is, you see everything before everyone else, and then you have to wait for them to catch up." Sassie tells him to stop being a prat and buy her a drink, and dude, she's got a side ponytail thing going on. Those always freak me out a little. It's asymmetry where no asymmetry should be. It does look pretty awesome on her though, she should maybe try it more often. Anyway. Azazeal ruminates on how "desire is always greater than the consequences", which doesn't actually mean anything at all. Sassie rolls her eyes, tells him he's arrogant. He's all "You like that", she tells him she prefers shy, retiring types, he's like "whatever, dude". "You're going to fuck me up, aren't you?" Sassie asks conversationally. Azazeal shrugs, "Probably." I love the way they're so completely blasé about all this. They procede to makeouts, followed by a cut to further makeouts in the locker room.

Locker room makeouts are momentarily interrupted by Jenny wandering down the stairs, Azazeal and Sassie hide behind a pillar, he suggestively tells her he feels like a naughty schoolboy. Sassie takes the bait, and they head up to her room for some poorly-lit intercourse. Next morning, she wakes and he's gone, she doesn't care, what with the whole possession thing.

Outside, Azazeal's going for a pleasant morning stroll around the grounds, when he's accosted by Jenny, telling him that this is private property. Azazeal apologises, saying "It must look like I'm casing the joint or something." "The thought had crossed my mind, Jenny responds, and there's an uncomfortable pause before she asks "So, what are you doing?" Hee hee! He pretends he's some kind of architecture enthusiast or something. But still a really creepy architecture enthusiast; Jenny tells him it's a school, he says "lucky kids", Jenny suggests they don't realise it, he ominously replies "No, but they will. When it's too late," thanks her for her time and walks off.

Cassie's room. Hi, Smurf Penis! Haven't been seeing much of you lately. Sassie notices it, has a fondle, and seems rather disappointed that she's unable to achieve the usual flash.

Laundry room, Sassie's cheerily ironing clothes, Thelma asks her what she's so happy about. "Nothing you'd understand" is the response, which is apparently her stock answer to any question Thelma asks, as well as being total bullshit. Thelma mutters "give me strength, if I could slap you I would" to herself, and the Seriously, This Electrocution Thing Is Wacky, Wacky Hijinks music once again starts to kick in as she loosens a nut to start water dripping all on the floor. Sassie engages her in some irrelevant conversation as the water slowly trickles across the floor, somehow not picking up on Thelma exceedingly suspicious behaviour as she wraps her foot around the wire of the iron. Thelma drags it to the wet floor, of course, but Sassie uses her telekinetic powers (remember those?) to stop it before it actually hits the floor. She is having a hard time writing this shit off as accidental, by this point, but Thelma actually manages to look nonchalant for once.

Library. Pippi apologises to Thelma for being so uptight before, Thelma tells her not to worry about it. But enough small talk, what we're here for is exposition. So, Azazeal loved Herath, which we knew, the Egyptian's believed that their union "destroyed the natural order", and "the veil between the worlds was broken, and the living walked with the dead and the dead walked with the living" and so on and so forth. Thelma picks up on her and Pippi being fine examples of dead walking with the living. And thusly, Pippi believes that the same thing is happening again. Man, I am so ecstatic that she did not use the phrase "history repeats itself". The Egyptians banished Azazeal somehow, Herath was left the shoulder the blame, and was buried alive. Friendly people, those ancient Egyptians. Oh, and also, Herath was carrying his child. Just FYI.

Would You Stop It With The Wacky Electrocution Hijinks Already music plays as Thelma rigs up some wiring to electrify Cassie's locker. Also, she is wearing huge safety goggles. It is totally cute. Sassie opens up her locker, nothing happens. Thelma looks annoyed at her tools, then some other generic student sticks her key in her locker and starts writihing. Oh, how wacky this is. Sassie clearly paid no attention to whatever fire/electric safety guy repeatedly visited her primary school, because she flutters around a bit, then grabs the girl's arm, which obviously bring her into the writhing fun. There's a flash of black and whiteness, then the two fall back, still clutching the key. Thelma put her goggles back on and walks away looking humourously guilty.

Ambulance pulls away outside, Cassie, wrapped in a blanket, sits on a bench with Thelma. Jenny comes over to tell her the other girl is going to be fine, and she should get some rest. Thelma asks how she feels; "like I have the worst hangover in the world" is the answer. They laugh about how Jenny was angry, and thinks it was one of the lads pulling a practical joke. Thelma opines that she hopes Leon will get the blame, which triggers horrible memories for Cassie; "Oh God, what did I do to Leon?" They go for a wander through the trees, Cassie tells Thelma that she was "sort of semi-aware" of what was going on while possessed, but she couldn't do anything about it, á la hyena person, or indeed soldier boy Xander. Cassie apologises profusely for being so mean to Thelma, Thelma wonders if this will stop Azazeal coming after her now. Well, that would sure make for a boring season finale, wouldn't it? Thelma gets all cute and tells Cassie that she'll have to keep a tight leash on her now. Cassie thanks Thelma for electrocuting her. "Anytime," she replies. The Wacky Flourish Of I Think The Wacky Hijinks Have Stopped Now, So I Guess I Can Finally Shut Up flourishes.

Cassie sits at a mirror and removes the necklace, realising it offered no actual protection from Azazeal, and notices him lounging in a chair behind her. She asks what the hell he's doing there. He, of course, ignores the question. Cassie tells him to fuck off. He stalks over to her, starts kissing her neck, and asks "why the sudden change of heart?". Cassie again tells him to fuck off, but she's not actually putting up a lot of resistance to the neck kissing. Cassie calmly tells him that whatever happened between them, it wasn't her, Azazeal claims that "sometimes it takes extraordinary circumstances to see what we really want". Cassie lets him kiss her. Cassie again weakly pulls away and tells him to go away, he suddenly gets all intense and yells "Just because your rational mind pulls away doesn't mean your heart has changed." She gets more adamant that she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He does now fuck off, leaving her with "It's a little bit late for that." History repeats itself. Oh, right. Dude, was that some actual subtlety in a revelation I just saw? I think it might have been.