Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Sugar Rush Episode 1x02 - "The Lies We Tell"

Episode grade: B-

So, instead of the 'someone says "previously on [show name]", followed by scenes from previous episodes' that I'm used to, events of the pilot are handily recapped by our good friend KimVo. I'm not sure if I prefer this way or not. Anyway, previously: Kim is gay, Stella is a dirty, dirty whore, and is trying to be Kim's best friend so she won't tell Nathan. Credits.

Kim's at a spa, scrutinising her reflection and poking at a spot. KimVo tells us that kids get told a lot of shit. Examples; Nathan says "These are the best days of your life", Stella appears to have been interrupted whilst doing a line of coke and says "Of course we love you!". KimVo continues that when one gets older, one expects this to stop, but of course it doesn't. Example; woman at spa tells Kim "This won't hurt" before pulling one of them waxing strips off her legs, causing her to scream in agony.

Cut to Nathan in the living room, holding up colour strips and asking Stella to choose between aubergine and apple. That's a tough one. Stella opts for "Whatever you want, darling", because she doesn't give a shit. More KimVo: "We walk around pretending we're in a Disney movie, when really it's a gangster porn flick", over Dale and Stella doing it in the Fornikitchen, which is, I guess, shown for the benefit of viewers who weren't watching the pre-credit recap when they showed the exact same scene TWO MINUTES AGO.

The family's eating dinner together and, apropos of nothing, Matt (still wearing the goldfish bowl, by the way) asks "what's a rent boy?" Stella and Kim struggle to contain laughter. Nathan stammers for a second, then explains "They were a band. In the 80s." OK, if I ever have kids and they ask me that kind of question, I'm using that one.

Kim and Sugar by the sea. Kim is pissed off that Stella is getting away with, and with herself for going along with it. Sugar says "That's because you're such a good liar." Remember that "I want to have sex. With a man." in the pilot? Yeah, we haven't seen much evidence of that, Sugar.

Kim in her room, applying make up whatnot. Stella gets all in her personal space, says "You look nice. Going anywhere special?", then steals some perfume. Kim, unusually enough, looks miserable. Kim coldly asks if she wants something, Stella guiltitly paces around, pretending to be concerned about Kim for a while before getting to the real point: "Can I borrow your jeans?" It's starting to get a little heated when Nathan cheerily strolls in with more colour strips: "What do you think? The world is your oyster. ...Or green." This seems a salient time to tangentially mention that the other day, I was painting walls a colour called "Perfect Toast". True story.

Seaside, Sugar tells Kim "don't get sad, get even", and, because Kim for some reason doesn't know what that means, 'clarifies' this with some convoluted story about how she needs to get revenge on Daz and The Donkey, so she's going to shag Ray the doorman.

Back in her room, Kim applies this lesson by telling Nathan that Stella is borrowing clothes because she wants to take him bowling. Nathan is excited, and confused; "I though you hated bowling", he says to Stella. Stella smiles weakly. But, sadly, the bowling can't happen because it's Parent's Evening at Kim's school.

There's a half second flash of a sign, and thanks to the magic of the 'pause' button, I can tell you that Kim goes to 'Ravensdene High School' (though some wannabe-vandal has attempted to cross out the 'dene' and replace the 'n' with an 'r', they've done a pretty shitty job of it. The school's motto is 'Omnes Relinquite Spes, O Vos Intrantes', whatever that means, and the Head Teacher is one Alan Smithee. None of this is remotely important.
So, Stella and Nathan are at Kim's parents evening and her teacher... OK, I'm sure she's a very nice person, but by God, that voice. She's got some sort of northern accent (possibly as far north as Scotland, I appear to be not great with accents), it's kind of whiny and nasal, and, I don't know, there's weird pausing stuff happening. But at least she isn't Janet Street Porter. So, anyway, she tells "Mr. & Mrs. Daniels" (Hurrah, a surname!) that, before talking about academics, they should have "a general chat", and asks how they think Kim is settling in. What she's really asking is "You're terrible parents, aren't you?". Oh, hey, there's a sign behind her that says her name's Miss Forbes. Stella & Nathan don't think there's anything wrong, so Miss Forbes lies "I'm sure you know your daughter better than me."

This has all been interspersed with scenes of Kim and Sugar (mostly the latter) jokingly coming up with revenge plans like "we could put bleach in her lube" and "I could sleep with your dad", but it's angst time now. Kim wants to know why Stella is such a bitch. Sugar can't answer that one, and asks Kim if she thinks Sugar is a slag. Kim decides that love is more important than truth, so; "No. Of course not."

Home from Parent's Evening, Nathan is concerned about Kim, Stella is dismissive, somewhat repetitively (Nathan says 'strange' again), but Stella, eventually realising he's not just going to drop it, says she'll talk to Kim, and that Nathan should talk to Matt (remember him?) about the goldfish bowl thing.

Stella's solution; "There is this FANTASTIC new spa!" Kim is entirely cold to the idea, until Stella suggests bringing Sugar along too. Kim still bitches about it to Sugar for a while, but that's pretty much just for show.

So, spa it is. Which we saw a bit of right at the start, because this show hates linear storytelling. Sugar is getting a Brazillian ("Ray's gonna love me!"), Kim stares and drools. KimVo says "Oh, to be those paper pants", which is kind of disturbing, but Kim does a little eyebrow twitch thing which is barely noticable, but fucking awesome. The girls are then all getting massages, and Sugar again comments that Ray will love her; Stella tells her "it's not about men, it's about making yourself feel good." Sugar laughs and is skeptical. Kim frowns, and is miserable, AGAIN. This time because Sugar is getting on with Stella instead of hating her for being an evil bitch whore. KimVo: "I almost wished I was with Dad and Matt".

Your lame segue wish is our command. Nathan and Matt in wetsuits, running in from the sea, Nathan holding a surfboard. Nathan cheerily (duh) says "That was good fun, wasn't it?" Matt stares for a while, then deadpans "Dad, I'm from another planet." Nathan is confused (duh again).

Back to the spa, Stella and Sugar continue to drink champagne and carve "S+S BFF" into a tree. It does go on a bit, this scene. Anyway, eventually, Stella's "What Kim doesn't realise is once you've had two kids and been living with the same man for 15 years, the sex really isn't that great" sends Kim over the edge, and she goes storming out.

Despite the fact that, unlike Kim, she hasn't bothered to change back out of the bathrobe she's wearing, Stella struggles to catch up with Kim leaving the spa. And, being Stella, she doesn't understand why Kim is so upset. She's all friendlily "Why don't you come back in, hmm?" Kim gives her DEATH RAY GLARE. Stella rolls her eyes, gets annoyed and starts mocking Kim for "moping about the place, making everyone's life a misery". Stella, that chick who went for King Solomon's 'cut the baby in half' plan would make a better mother than you. "Nathan's worried sick" gets Kim to stop glaring; "Maybe that's your fault!" Good call. Stella tries to claim "It was a one off" and "I made a mistake", neither of which she actually believes, but Kim calls her on it, because she's awesome, and tells Stella to finish it. But Stella just can't stop digging herself deeper; "This is as much your dad's fault." Kim somehow resists the urge for violence at this and leaves.

Outside, Sugar is now catching up with Kim, but Kim's totally blanking her too. But, turns out, Sugar was being pally with Stella in order to steal her credit card, which brightens Kim up a little. Yeah, this'll end well. KimVo: "It was the perfect crime." That's about on a par with "At least it can't get any worse" for things you should never, ever say, ever. This will definitely end well.

So, montage of Kim and Sugar grabbing clothes off the racks in some generic shop, fucking Jet's fucking Are You Gonna Be My Girl dirtying up the usually excellent soundtrack. KimVo further jinxes them; "Nothing or no one could get in our way." Except... entering Stella's PIN. I cannot believe they didn't see that coming. OK, so this was filmed a couple of years ago, but even then, did anywhere at all ask for signatures? Sugar affects a posh accent and says "These new machines, I can never quite remember...", which is fooling no one, and honestly sort of hilarious. Shopgirl completely doesn't give a fuck and asks if they'd like to cancel the transaction. Sugar umms and umms, getting more and more high-pitched, but then Kim suddenly (for no apparent reason) remembers that Stella changed her PIN years ago to the date she shagged Simon Le Bon. Well, that was plausibale. and thus, the montage continues, and I have to hear more fucking Jet. This episode is losing a grade for that. Anyway, Kim gradually starts to look less and less into the plan, while Sugar continues doing whatever the fuck she likes, because that's who she is. Kim is starting to realise there's been some definite pedestalling going on in her head with Sugar (though sadly, this realisation won't last). And then there's some KimVo to explicitly point this out, because the people who make this show never heard of "show, don't tell".

Cut to a café with, like, a billion empty tables, and one occupied by Nathan and Matt. Matt is explaining to Nathan that he doesn't fit in, because he is from another planet. Nathan hems and haws and asks if he knows he was really born on Earth, and Matt hilariously replies "I just told you I wasn't", and then says that one day he'll have to return. Honestly, Matt is really not a very plausible character, but I love this scene, so right now I don't care. Seriously though, this story should have been in the pilot instead of TOM CAN STALK. SEE TOM STALK. STALK, TOM, STALK. and no story at all for Matt, and then Tom could have been gradually revealed as the weirdo stalker that he is. But what do I know, eh?

Quick cut to Sugar giving Kim some spot cream, and continuing to be completely ignorant of the concept of consequences.

And back to the café, Nathan eventually thinks of something; He's from another planet too! Matt's eyes light up at this. Yes, it's ridiculous, but it's also adorable.

And Kim's had enough and decides to head home, Sugar is all "What about clubbing? Ray the doorman's gonna get us free drinks!" Kim says "you don't need me for that." Sugar is oblivious to Kim's misery face, I guess because it's the norm, and asks if she can't leave Stella's card behind. KimVo gets all assertive; "That was it. There would be no more coverups.", and Kim tells Sugar to take her spot cream and shove it, and says "Ray would shag the homeless, which is a good thing because you look like a fucking tramp." Meeee-ow. Sugar is a little taken aback.

Kim comes home to find Stella at it again with Dale the decorator. Stella has the gall to claim she was telling Dale they had to end it, while still buttoning up her blouse, and then to admonish Kim for using bad language when she points out what bullshit that clearly is. You've got to admire that kind of dedication to being a total asshat. Sound of door shutting and Nathan calls out "We're home!", and the wacky hijinks music ensues its heart out as Dale hurriedly resumes decorating and Stella tidies herself up. Nathan does a dorky spacewalk into the room, wearing Matt's goldfish bowl. He senses tension in the air, and asks if everything's OK. Stella assures him it is, and he turns to Dale and says "Alright, mate?", which sets Kim into ranting about how stupid he is for not realising that Stella and Dale are having an affair. Dale gives him a hilarious embarrassed shrug. Except, that didn't actually happen. Punk'd! Back to Matt and Nathan's entrance, things proceed as they did the first time until Nathan's "Alright, mate?" at which point Kim says "Mum was just trying on the clothes we bought, we had a really girly day together", and throws Stella a skirt.

Kim's room. Kim is crying. Stella tells her "That was brave, what you did", which, fuck off. Kim tells her she doesn't want her and Nathan to split up, Stella promises they won't, and is almost getting it right for a second, but has to screw it up by adding "as long as you don't say anything" and "let's dry those eyes, we don't want your dad to see you like this." Kim once again tells her to fuck off.

ForniKitchen. Matt is orbitting an apple round an orange, and tells Kim "One day I'm going to visit the moon. You can't come." Kim: "I hope your spaceship explodes." It's cute. Matt: "I hope your pubes turn ginger." Not so cute. Stella enters, uncomfortably wearing a turtleneck to perpetuate Kim's "we went shopping together" story. Nathan tells her she looks great. Kim is totally relishing this and tells him she chose it, saying "I thought it was less tarty than the stuff she usually wears." Stella looks like she's swallowed a bug. Nathan enthuses "It has been a really great day!" They can have back the grade I took off for Jet earlier, because this scene was great.

Reaching the end now, so time for a KimVo summary; "Maybe I should have told the truth, told Nathan that he was with the wrong woman, that she was bound to break his heart. But you can't help who you love." Sugar hands Kim her coat and proceeds making out with Ray the doorman, pausing to sarcastically ask Kim, who is staring, "Do you want to watch?" Kim gives and equally sarcastic "Uh, NO." and turns away until Sugar's attention is focused elsewhere, then turns back, because nobody ever tells the truth, ever.